In the winter of 2004, a lot of people started calling me Cheddar Ted on account of my exceptional rapping abilities. It's a nom de guerre I didn't initially take to, but I'm really warming up to it now. This is the Blog of Theodore "Cheddar Ted" Bressman. You think you know, and you probably do.
As a writer, I spend a lot of time agonizing over the parlance I employ in my interactions. I'd love to be able to constantly spout off memorable lines and cutting quips, but I find that most of the time I'm using words and phrases that I don't even like.
Like last week I probably said "meta" seven times. That would be cool, except I hate this word more than I hate the phonetics of "ditto" times the implications of "awk" divided by the inverse playfulness of "rambunctious." If PEMDAS is at play, which it always is, it becomes clear that the quanification of my hatred for the term is almost infinitesimal in value.
I'll say this though: I love the word "iota."
Another pair of words I quite like is "bullish" and "bearish" I'm always trying to say things like:
"That's a nice spinach and artichoke dip. I'd have to say I'm feeling pretty bullish about this crudite!"
Or:
"Obama's gotten a bit played out. I'm slightly bearish on enthusiastically supporting him right now."
Finally, even though I never thought it would be possible, I've at long last succeeded in seamlessly integrating the word "absolutely" into my lexicon without sounding like a completely pompous bloke. Saying "absolutely" has actually made me feel more articulate without forcing me to abandon the commonplace vulgarity that informs my speech.
My conversation has become sort of a back and forth tennis match between urban colloquialism and a sophisticated type of Elizabethan vernacular. Neither side can falter, however, as the line judge is clear. My words form an impasse. There is a permanent state of deuce.
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