2.21.2008

The Broke Ass Teams of the NBA

I hate to say this, but the Suns are officially a broke-ass team. Shaq doesn’t fit in, and watching Grant Hill trying to pull these two dribble pull-ups is just sort of depressing. They take thier place among the Heat, Pacers, Hawks, Nets, Kings, Knicks and the Bucks as the premiere Broke-Ass teams of the NBA.

A sad truth about these broke-ass teams is that they're broke-ass because of players who used to be filets of the NBA: players like Ben Wallace, Dwayne Wade, Vince Carter, even a bro like Larry Hughes. They used to be the NBA's shining stars, but shifting team environments has ruined their stocks. It comes down to a simple study in macro-economics: when external factors are at play, the behavior of the individual can drastically change.

In fact, this idea of external conditions as the primary determinant of individual play relates almost perfectly to this comparative theory on African and European economic growth that caught my eye a few summers back. Basically, the theory states that the variance in climate in African and Western Europe directly influenced the proliferation of commerce and industrialization in the regions. Quite simply, since Europeans were physically more comfortable, they were able to work harder and more efficiently. As a result, the European economy grew whereas industrialization in Africa stagnated. Since there was no air conditioning in Africa, African workers simply couldn’t get comfortable enough to sit down and study or work towards industrial competitiveness. It makes you wonder about Pangea and literally everything that happened from there.

Now I know it’s a bit of a leap both to subscribe to this theory and subsequently acknowledge its connection to the broke-ass players in the NBA, but the truth is, this Camus-esque idea of systemic forces being the primary indicator of success is highly applicable and in a way absolves players and teams from being completely broke-ass. When you examine current broke-ass players like Larry Hughes or Ben Wallace a little more closely, it becomes clear that these dudes thrived within the context of a team that perfectly complemented their talents, but then suffered considerably when unnaturally extricated or after experiencing a drastic internal personnel change.

When Larry Hughes was a wild-card on the Sixers, he wasn’t broke-ass because he’d have some steals and a few nice drives. Throw him in a situation where he needs to be counted on, and all of a sudden he’s more broke-ass than Ross Perot. Consider Ben Wallace. On the hard-hitting Pistons, he was a perfect role player. Throw him on the Bulls and he looks embarrassed to be on the court. We'll see what happens when he joins the broke-ass, Brad Daugherty-less Cavs.

And lastly there's Dwayne Wade, the dark horse for most broke-ass young player in the history of the NBA. I admit he was sick during that special season when everyone hated Kobe Bryant and Shaq was making even Alonzo Mourning look sympathetic, but his style was smoke and mirrors and to be candid, overall just pretty lucky. He was hanging in the air like Jordan, dunking like Cedric Ceballos and making ridiculous shots for a full season, but it was only a matter of time before the horse and carriage turned into a pumpkin and a few seamstress mice. Two years later, Wade can barely jump, those crazy shots aren’t falling anymore, and he is the Posterboy for the wackest commercial campaign since that run of sappy-ass Nomar Garciaparra/Mia Hamm “You’re beautiful” commercials. He is a broke-ass player that may have taken a fruitful ride on lady fortuna's back for one special season, but now the ballyhoo's over and he's just a broke-ass player on a broke-ass Heat team.

Now obviously there are exceptions, but the truth is, even the greats were augmented by specifically-tailored systems. And now more than ever the NBA is about teams coming together with perfect pieces. Take a player out and put him where he doesn’t belong, and all of a sudden he’s broke-ass. Just like back in the influential era of industrialization, the NBA is now all about external forces. Take a bro out of Ghana or Mozambique during that unique time in history and give him proper language training, and I guarantee you he would have thrived industrially because for once in his life, he'd have been comfortable in terms of temperature. But leave him in Africa, and he's just too hot to grow intellectually.
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