Cheddar Retires From the Rap Game

I'm sad to say this, but I've lost the one thing that kept me going as a rapper: the support of the people.

Two years ago, I was a legend. I walked around campus like every student was a cheese connoisseur and I was a very rare wheel of Cheddar. "Is that the kid who battled before Busta Rhymes?!"

People would come up to me and congratulate me. "I don't know you, but..."

Well, tempus motherfucking fugit, blog.

This year I've participated in two rap battles and got bounced both times in the first round. I guess being excessively vulgar and racist just doesn't get you where it used to.

Yesterday, I was up against this weird Asian kid who had a nice flow, but was clearly reciting pre-written lyrics that had little to do with me or the battle. His only line against me made reference to the fact that I wasn't wearing pants. You're right buddy! I wasn't wearing pants. I was wearing Tennis Whites. This should have resulted in immediate disqualification! What, this kid doesn't appreciate a fresh pair of Tennis Whites?! ADVANTAGE CHEDDAR!

So I get up there and begin by addressing his first point:

"Bro, making fun of my clothes, that just isn't right/
especially when I'm wearing a mad fashionable pair of Tennis Whites."

Then I took it up a notch.

"So I don't think you know what's in store.
You're at the wrong place, buddy, New Asia's next door."

Next door to the venue was in fact a pretty nice Chinese restaurant called New Asia. It has a very reasonable all you can eat buffet, and is remarkably clean. It should have been smooth sailing, but my position was more precarious than a full paper moon! With one too many Asian references, most notably when I called him an Asian Fred Durst (He was wearing a hooded red sweatshirt and a Yankees Hat), I think I might have Hiroshima'd* on my own foot!

Apparently attacking one's race or sexual orientation is no longer "impressive" in the eyes of the Harvard rap community. Well you know what, FUCK THAT COMMUNITY!

Until I can find a venue that appreciates my style, Cheddar Ted has stepped down.

*The Hiroshima is a lesser known style of deucing. You stand on the seat of the toilet bowl, let it rip and hope the deuce falls where it should! This is not to be confused with the Slater, which is when you sit facing the wall similar to the way A.C. Slater sits in most chairs.