Sensing that I needed a break from depression and loneliness, two fateful foes that seem to be gaining ground ever since I've been back home, I booked it to Times Square yesterday to see if I could set the record on various pop-a-shot machines in the area. My initial plan was to survey the arcades then systematically set the record on each one. My initial plan was delayed, however, by an enormous deuce taken at the 42nd street Westin. As Gritz commented, I took this deuce "Westin" time. A few more minutes and I surely would have deuced in my already-unbelievably-dirty cords.
So after a quarter of an hour spent deucing, I walked over to ESPN Zone. Much to my chagrin, three arcades I used to love have closed down in the last couple years, including, but not limited to, Barcode and Everything is Amazing. All that remained were Lazer Park and ESPN Zone, and ESPN Zone was about as crowded as my Bear Stearns’ boss’ arteries. I played one game, had a respectable 52, but left immediately. On my way to Lazer Park, I was sidetracked by the Billabong/Element Store under the MTV studios. I needed a new sac ad’eau and I really wanted one with a pocket for a skateboard. (The backpack I used on my trip was this sack of books, one of those nylon bags with rope straps.) So I picked up a hot Element backpack and continued on to Lazer Park.
When I made it to “the park,” I approached a pop-a-shot machine with a record of 58. With three balls, I scored 110. I then decided to add two more balls from the adjacent machine to the party. 176. Back of the net. I dedicated my performance to my future son, whom I have decided to name Lazer. It’s your park buddy.
As I was leaving, I noticed that my high scores left me with a handsome number of tickets. I eyed a young Hispanic kid, smiled and handed him my tickets. “Feliz Navidad, little bro.” Feliz Na-vi-dad.
Moral of the story? Even though I am the best pop-a-shot player I have ever seen, there is nothing more depressing than going to arcades by yourself during the holiday season.
12.28.2005
12.27.2005
The Cheddar Who Stole Gritzmas
I know most people are still riding high from a nice Gritzmas or whatever, but during the last few days spent "relaxing," I got to thinking a bit. And there are a few things that I need to get off my chest before the calendar year ends.
1) What the fuck is the deal with kids aged 21 and up complaining about no longer being carded. "G-d (If I've taught you one thing, blog, it's to never take the Lord's name in vain), I finally turn 21 and now I never get carded." This is a) most likely false and b) not such a bad thing. Fuck me if I'm wrong, you group of naive young adults, but is being carded that much fun?
2) I've had it up to here with Delta Song and luckilly so has everyone else. Any airline that tries to trick you with brightly colored seats and recordings of flamenco dancers relaying safety regulations in Spanglish deserves to go under. Let me remind you to stow your metaphorical tray tables and return your seats to their "most uncomfortable" upright positions, turn off all electronics, including palm pilots, mp3 players, "blenders and toasters" and prepare for your final descent into the annals of an industry that fails on almost every account. It's time to finally pull the plug on your PA system. Lord knows you've used it enough while your passengers struggle to take advantage of the in-flight trivia game or your faulty live television feed.
3) Why does love supercede everything else? Oh, it's ok. Don't worry about stopping traffic on the George Washington Bridge during rush hour so you can make out with the love of your life in the pouring rain. Of course, demand to be let off an airplane that is on the runway, ready for take-off. Stop someone else's wedding in the name of true love (the paradox of this set of examples). Don't worry about anything, because you're in love and that's all that matters. Everyone's sooo happy for you.
That's it for now. Time to make a midnight run to Duane Reade to buy myself a box of sugared cereal and see if I can finish it before sunrise.
1) What the fuck is the deal with kids aged 21 and up complaining about no longer being carded. "G-d (If I've taught you one thing, blog, it's to never take the Lord's name in vain), I finally turn 21 and now I never get carded." This is a) most likely false and b) not such a bad thing. Fuck me if I'm wrong, you group of naive young adults, but is being carded that much fun?
2) I've had it up to here with Delta Song and luckilly so has everyone else. Any airline that tries to trick you with brightly colored seats and recordings of flamenco dancers relaying safety regulations in Spanglish deserves to go under. Let me remind you to stow your metaphorical tray tables and return your seats to their "most uncomfortable" upright positions, turn off all electronics, including palm pilots, mp3 players, "blenders and toasters" and prepare for your final descent into the annals of an industry that fails on almost every account. It's time to finally pull the plug on your PA system. Lord knows you've used it enough while your passengers struggle to take advantage of the in-flight trivia game or your faulty live television feed.
3) Why does love supercede everything else? Oh, it's ok. Don't worry about stopping traffic on the George Washington Bridge during rush hour so you can make out with the love of your life in the pouring rain. Of course, demand to be let off an airplane that is on the runway, ready for take-off. Stop someone else's wedding in the name of true love (the paradox of this set of examples). Don't worry about anything, because you're in love and that's all that matters. Everyone's sooo happy for you.
That's it for now. Time to make a midnight run to Duane Reade to buy myself a box of sugared cereal and see if I can finish it before sunrise.
12.21.2005
How to Pose for a Picture
Posing for pictures is one of my multifarious fortes. Whether I'm making a totally insane face, looking mad serious, flashing a smile when appropriate, yelling into the camera or giving my signature pose, a half-hearted "thumbs up," I'm always looking unbelievably cool when I show up in people's facebook photo albums. But here's the catch: I am not photogenic by nature. Whenver I don't pose, I look pretty bad. When I pose, however, I look incredible.
As great as I look in a lot of photographs, I find that other people usually look equally horrendous (in terms of absolute value). You think you look sweet making a horrible facial expression while you're all grinding up against a girl at a party? Oh, you didn't realize that there was a real human taking this photograph? Is that why you figured you should point to the camera like the biggest chach that ever lived? Some say is a picture is worth 1,000 words. Can you say "sick d-bag" 500 times!?
As great as I look in a lot of photographs, I find that other people usually look equally horrendous (in terms of absolute value). You think you look sweet making a horrible facial expression while you're all grinding up against a girl at a party? Oh, you didn't realize that there was a real human taking this photograph? Is that why you figured you should point to the camera like the biggest chach that ever lived? Some say is a picture is worth 1,000 words. Can you say "sick d-bag" 500 times!?
12.15.2005
Little Cheddar and Cheddar's Lineage
Last night Little Cheddar was accepted into the Harvard Class of 2010. This means that between Big Cheddar, Cheddar and Little Cheddar, one cheddar or another will have been at Harvard from 2000-2010.
I surmise that my parents are thinking, "Back of the net. Back of the net."
I am very proud of you Little Cheddar. You give new meaning to the phrase "save the best for last."
Last night, I was talking to Gritz, who had a great suggestion. He said I should go around the world conceiving children in different places like Vermont or while holding something sharp like a knife or an ice pick. That way I can have kids named Vermont Cheddar or Sharp Cheddar.
Innovative thinking, Gritz. This is the same type of innovation you will be immersed in when you start here next fall, Little Cheddar. I only wish our time at this special place would overlap, but we will forever be two disparate circles in the venn diagram of education.
Nevertheless, I love you Little Cheddar. Bravo.
I surmise that my parents are thinking, "Back of the net. Back of the net."
I am very proud of you Little Cheddar. You give new meaning to the phrase "save the best for last."
Last night, I was talking to Gritz, who had a great suggestion. He said I should go around the world conceiving children in different places like Vermont or while holding something sharp like a knife or an ice pick. That way I can have kids named Vermont Cheddar or Sharp Cheddar.
Innovative thinking, Gritz. This is the same type of innovation you will be immersed in when you start here next fall, Little Cheddar. I only wish our time at this special place would overlap, but we will forever be two disparate circles in the venn diagram of education.
Nevertheless, I love you Little Cheddar. Bravo.
12.14.2005
Bartender
I can't wait for winter break so I can kick back with a frozen cocktail and a cigar and just look out into the ocean...I really think that's what it's all about. I really think you should shove it up your ass, buddy. Why don't you smoke that cuban cigar until it burns out and drink a few cocktails in the warm sun? Let's see if that's what it's all about...Why don't you go hand-gliding, you chach!
In other news, there was a photograph of Brad and me in the Boston Globe yesterday. As evidenced above, we are at Dunkin' Donuts. I am drinking blueberry flavored coffee, in case you were wondering. Brad looks horrible, but I look great in my rabbit fur hat. I guess it wasn't completely ruined after all.
When I walked into Dunkin' Donuts yesterday, the employees began waving the Boston Globe proudly and applauding for me. This is the second time the Dunkin' Donuts employees have lauded my efforts. The first time was when I jumped behind the counter and served French Cruellers to a few customers.
Later in the day I returned with Brad, and we sat at the same table for like 15 minutes, posing for an imaginary camera man. Brad ordered two sausage, egg and cheeses just like he did the day of the photo shoot, and I drank another blueberry coffee, my 7th of the week! "And it's only Tuesday," I thought to myself.
It took me almost two years, but I have become the posterboy for Dunkin' Donuts.
12.11.2005
The Ivy Prep League Championship Game
No time left on the clock. Poly leads 64-62. Mike Faherty steps to the line. He takes two dribbles with his right hand, spins the ball with a still tranquility that doesn't correspond with the intensity of the moment. He takes a deep breath and shoots...
Flashback to the Spring of 2000. Dalton has just come off a dissappointing ending to a great season. A season of highs and lows. A Collegiate tournament championship. A loss in the finals of the NYSAIS to Collegiate. Images of older Bressman and Phineas Lambert crying at center court torment young Bressman as he replays that final game in his head. How did it get away from us like that? Visions of Ben Rhymes and Sean Carrey hitting threes stab little Bressman in the heart like a knife. Little Bressman will be haunted by memories of Michael Beal rising through the lane for offensive rebounds and putbacks that whole summer. In the long run he will learn to remember that special season with his brother in a different way.
But not today. As young Bressman and his 2000-2001 teammates wait to get onto the court of the third floor gym on 87th and 3rd, he wonders what will be different about next year. How can Dalton get over the top?
The elevator opens. Michael Faherty, rocking board shorts and a backwards Etnies hat, steps out.
"What's up guys?"
"Hey."
Was this a scene from Mighty Ducks 1? What is this guy doing here? Doesn't he go to Poly Prep?
Faherty balled with us that day. He was better than we were. He was stronger, faster, he could shoot better and he played better defensive. He was always in defensive stance. We thought we played hard the past couple years, and we did...but not Poly Prep hard.
We soon found out that MF would be transferring to Dalton for his senior year. He hated Poly. No matter how hard he tried, he would always be in the shadow of Ray Corrigan, Danny Green and Keith Williams. Just another shooter who could knock it down from the outside. Poly never gave him the chance he deserved. He would have this chance with Dalton.
That fall we worked harder than we ever had before. We ran our sprints faster. We played defense in practice like we were playing in games. MF took us to the next level. He made us the State champions that we became....
Fast forward to game time almost five years later. MF looks to the Poly bench, but this time he is wearing a royal blue jersey, not a navy blue one. He is a Tiger, not a Blue Devil. He is finally home.
Dalton and Poly shake hands inimically and the game is underway. Poly wins the tip. The ball goes straight to Versoza who pushes it ahead to Ray Corrigan. He drives left, but little Bressman, who has moved to the two for defensive purposes, cuts him off, so he resets. For years, Poly Prep teams have separated themselves from the Ivy League on their athletic prowess and defensive dominance, but today Dalton sends a message that they are not going to back down.
The first quarter allows both teams to feel each other out. A lot of loose balls. A lot of guys diving on the floor. Both teams have come to play hard, but neither is really executing. Aside from a few fast break points, the game has little rhythm. Young Bressman tries to settle his team down, but Poly's defense is too stifling to even run secondary break. Luckilly, little Bressman is feeling it from the outside. He hits two consecutive threes to end the first and the crowd senses something special is about to go down, just like that JV game at Collegiate, when he dropped 36 against the Junior Dutchmen. Interestingly, that was the same night Chris Liu dropped 37 against Dalton in the Varsity game. However, that is neither here nor there and does not factor at all into the recounting of this championship game.
The first quarter ends and Dalton leads 18-14. Talleyrand is furious on the sideline, and Frischling is furious too. The Tigers have played the firs quarter like they are just trying to hold on. In this regard, they are playing more like scared cubs than pugnacious Tigers. Frischling is furious because he senses that his team is going to fall victim to one of Poly's dangerous weapons: intimidation.
Turns out, his players are not intimidated in the slightest. The second quarter begins and Ewers blocks a Logan fadeaway. He yells louder than ever before, sending a cacophonous call to battle that resonates throughout the warm gym on this otherwise quiet Sunday. MF grabs the loose ball and pitches it to older Bressman who immediately swings it to his brother. Will Bressman sticks his fist in the air; he knows his brother's three is money, and it is. Dalton leads 21-14. Poly calls a time-out. Talleyrand is still furious. Dalton walks to the huddle with a newfound confidence. They're ready to dance with the blue devils.
Poly seems ready to dance as well. They run a double screen for Williams who is wide-open at the elbow. 21-16. Dalton panicks as Poly shows its press for the first time. MF claims temporary insanity and seems to have forgotten that he transferred to Dalton--he throws it away to Corrigan who pulls up for three and hits. This time Dalton is able to break the press, but Hederman is whistled for travelling at the top of the key. Down the court, Green slashes for 2. Suddenly, Dalton's lead is cut to 1. Frischling decides not to call time-out. He wants to see what his players are made of. Little Bressman crosses over Versoza and finishes over Logan at the hoop. Little Bressman is not necessarily playing the best basketball of his life, but the fire in his eyes lets Poly know he is playing to win.
On the other end, Logan answers with a sweet fadeaway from the corner. Little Bressman comes down and fires another three. Swish. He literally has scored 18 points, and there are still three minutes left in the second quarter. MF steals the inbound pass and passes to Will who finishes and-one over Corrigan. Dalton is playing inspired ball. Young Bressman adds a foul-line jumper and hits a three over Corrigan as the first half-buzzer sounds. Dalton 36. Poly 25. Little Bressman has almost outscored Poly's entire team in the first half.
The third quarter is a bit different. Poly straight up juices Dalton. They score the first eight points of the quarter, and have entirely neutralized little Bressman's outside shooting with a box in one. An Andre Logan college lay-up gives Poly its first lead since the opening minutes of the game. With two minutes left in the third Poly leads 41-40. Dalton looks scared. Who is going to step up?
Enter MF. He addresses his teammates in the huddle, "I didn't come here just to fold at the first sign of adversity. I didn't come here to get pushed around." Dalton runs a double screen for MF who hits a three and pumps his fists as if to say, "Not now. Not today."
The third quarter ends with the scored tied at 45. As we enter the final quarter of play, littel Bressman looks up at the Collegiate Banners. He thinks of the Ivy League greats. All those last second games. All those players who flat-out gave it their all. He notices that David Duchovny was once an athletic star for the Dutchmen. He is not gonna go silently into the early evening.
The fourth quarter begins. Poly inbounds, and Versoza feeds Logan. 47-45. Big Bressman drives to the hoop and throws a no look bounce pass to Hederman for two. 47-47. Corrigan hits a three. Little Bressman hits a three. Corrigan hits another three. Big Bressman hits a three. 53-53, 5 minutes left. This game is insane!
Logan drives past Ewers. The refs whistle Ewers for a phantom block and Logan has the opportunity for three points, the old-fashioned way. He converts. little Bressman walks the ball up the court and fires basically from half-court. 53-53. Frischling is a bit upset with young Bressman's shot selection, but after all, half-court is not that far on the Collegiate hardwood. And Cheddar is a maniac, maniac that's for sure. But he's playing like he's never played before.
The game continues at a ridiculous pace. Williams hits. Hederman hits. Logan Hits. Ewers hits. Players are rising to the occasion. 57-57. Three minutes left.
Corrigan drives. And-one. 60-57. Dalton runs a pick and roll for Hederman. Big Bressman feeds him perfectly. 60-59.
Logan comes down and misses a three. Long outlet to MF who finishes. 61-60 Dalton. Can this really be happening? Is Dalton really going to pull this off?
Not just yet. Corrigan hits a shot from the elbow. 62-61 Poly. Down the court, little Bressman drives and draws a foul. He misses his first foul shot. His face drops. He looks lost on the stripe. He gathers himself and swishes the second one. 62-62. 1:23 left in the game.
Poly runs a stalled offense. As Green, Versoza and Corrigan swing the ball around the arc, the clock is ticking. 56 seconds. 43 seconds. 32 seconds. With 20 seconds left Versoza fakes the hand-off to Corrigan and drives to the hoop. Hederman comes out of nowhere and punches his shot against the wall. "AHHHHHHHH!" 14 seconds left. 62-62. Poly runs a double screen for Corrigan off the inbound, but Ewers hedges and he has no where to go. He finds Danny Green cutting to the hoop. Green takes one dribble and floats it over Ewers' outstretched arm. The ball bounces off the rim, backboard, rim and rolls in. 8 seconds left. Dalton pushes the ball up the court. Little Bressman passes to his older brother who passes to MF driving to the hoop. Keith blocks his shot, and the whistle sounds. Poly celebrates, but is it too soon? The ref signals two shots. Williams is called for a blocking foul.
So here we are. No time remains on the clock. Dalton trails by two. MF spins the ball twice, bends his knees and swishes the first shot. Little Bressman looks to the Dalton bench and sees a generation of players. There's Lapidus. Suttles. Soam Lall. Adam Haber. Jake Sokol. Mike Lavipour. Phineas Lambert. Matt Inra. Ron Harel. Jake Paulson. They're all there. They're holding hands. The water boys have grown up and are saying some sort of prayer to the Ivy League Gods. In the corner, Haykin, Landau and Alter embrace.
MF looks at the hoop. Looks down. He shoots. The ball floats through the air slower than the final pitch in Rookie of The Year. Older Bressman can't look. The ball hits the rim, hits the backboard....and rims out. Poly wins.
The tournament takes and it gives. Dalton huddles at center court. Everyone is in tears. They all know they've just been a part of something special. There is a moment of silence as they look at each other. They shake hands with Poly and quietly walk off the court. In the locker room, they thank each other...for the memories.
Flashback to the Spring of 2000. Dalton has just come off a dissappointing ending to a great season. A season of highs and lows. A Collegiate tournament championship. A loss in the finals of the NYSAIS to Collegiate. Images of older Bressman and Phineas Lambert crying at center court torment young Bressman as he replays that final game in his head. How did it get away from us like that? Visions of Ben Rhymes and Sean Carrey hitting threes stab little Bressman in the heart like a knife. Little Bressman will be haunted by memories of Michael Beal rising through the lane for offensive rebounds and putbacks that whole summer. In the long run he will learn to remember that special season with his brother in a different way.
But not today. As young Bressman and his 2000-2001 teammates wait to get onto the court of the third floor gym on 87th and 3rd, he wonders what will be different about next year. How can Dalton get over the top?
The elevator opens. Michael Faherty, rocking board shorts and a backwards Etnies hat, steps out.
"What's up guys?"
"Hey."
Was this a scene from Mighty Ducks 1? What is this guy doing here? Doesn't he go to Poly Prep?
Faherty balled with us that day. He was better than we were. He was stronger, faster, he could shoot better and he played better defensive. He was always in defensive stance. We thought we played hard the past couple years, and we did...but not Poly Prep hard.
We soon found out that MF would be transferring to Dalton for his senior year. He hated Poly. No matter how hard he tried, he would always be in the shadow of Ray Corrigan, Danny Green and Keith Williams. Just another shooter who could knock it down from the outside. Poly never gave him the chance he deserved. He would have this chance with Dalton.
That fall we worked harder than we ever had before. We ran our sprints faster. We played defense in practice like we were playing in games. MF took us to the next level. He made us the State champions that we became....
Fast forward to game time almost five years later. MF looks to the Poly bench, but this time he is wearing a royal blue jersey, not a navy blue one. He is a Tiger, not a Blue Devil. He is finally home.
Dalton and Poly shake hands inimically and the game is underway. Poly wins the tip. The ball goes straight to Versoza who pushes it ahead to Ray Corrigan. He drives left, but little Bressman, who has moved to the two for defensive purposes, cuts him off, so he resets. For years, Poly Prep teams have separated themselves from the Ivy League on their athletic prowess and defensive dominance, but today Dalton sends a message that they are not going to back down.
The first quarter allows both teams to feel each other out. A lot of loose balls. A lot of guys diving on the floor. Both teams have come to play hard, but neither is really executing. Aside from a few fast break points, the game has little rhythm. Young Bressman tries to settle his team down, but Poly's defense is too stifling to even run secondary break. Luckilly, little Bressman is feeling it from the outside. He hits two consecutive threes to end the first and the crowd senses something special is about to go down, just like that JV game at Collegiate, when he dropped 36 against the Junior Dutchmen. Interestingly, that was the same night Chris Liu dropped 37 against Dalton in the Varsity game. However, that is neither here nor there and does not factor at all into the recounting of this championship game.
The first quarter ends and Dalton leads 18-14. Talleyrand is furious on the sideline, and Frischling is furious too. The Tigers have played the firs quarter like they are just trying to hold on. In this regard, they are playing more like scared cubs than pugnacious Tigers. Frischling is furious because he senses that his team is going to fall victim to one of Poly's dangerous weapons: intimidation.
Turns out, his players are not intimidated in the slightest. The second quarter begins and Ewers blocks a Logan fadeaway. He yells louder than ever before, sending a cacophonous call to battle that resonates throughout the warm gym on this otherwise quiet Sunday. MF grabs the loose ball and pitches it to older Bressman who immediately swings it to his brother. Will Bressman sticks his fist in the air; he knows his brother's three is money, and it is. Dalton leads 21-14. Poly calls a time-out. Talleyrand is still furious. Dalton walks to the huddle with a newfound confidence. They're ready to dance with the blue devils.
Poly seems ready to dance as well. They run a double screen for Williams who is wide-open at the elbow. 21-16. Dalton panicks as Poly shows its press for the first time. MF claims temporary insanity and seems to have forgotten that he transferred to Dalton--he throws it away to Corrigan who pulls up for three and hits. This time Dalton is able to break the press, but Hederman is whistled for travelling at the top of the key. Down the court, Green slashes for 2. Suddenly, Dalton's lead is cut to 1. Frischling decides not to call time-out. He wants to see what his players are made of. Little Bressman crosses over Versoza and finishes over Logan at the hoop. Little Bressman is not necessarily playing the best basketball of his life, but the fire in his eyes lets Poly know he is playing to win.
On the other end, Logan answers with a sweet fadeaway from the corner. Little Bressman comes down and fires another three. Swish. He literally has scored 18 points, and there are still three minutes left in the second quarter. MF steals the inbound pass and passes to Will who finishes and-one over Corrigan. Dalton is playing inspired ball. Young Bressman adds a foul-line jumper and hits a three over Corrigan as the first half-buzzer sounds. Dalton 36. Poly 25. Little Bressman has almost outscored Poly's entire team in the first half.
The third quarter is a bit different. Poly straight up juices Dalton. They score the first eight points of the quarter, and have entirely neutralized little Bressman's outside shooting with a box in one. An Andre Logan college lay-up gives Poly its first lead since the opening minutes of the game. With two minutes left in the third Poly leads 41-40. Dalton looks scared. Who is going to step up?
Enter MF. He addresses his teammates in the huddle, "I didn't come here just to fold at the first sign of adversity. I didn't come here to get pushed around." Dalton runs a double screen for MF who hits a three and pumps his fists as if to say, "Not now. Not today."
The third quarter ends with the scored tied at 45. As we enter the final quarter of play, littel Bressman looks up at the Collegiate Banners. He thinks of the Ivy League greats. All those last second games. All those players who flat-out gave it their all. He notices that David Duchovny was once an athletic star for the Dutchmen. He is not gonna go silently into the early evening.
The fourth quarter begins. Poly inbounds, and Versoza feeds Logan. 47-45. Big Bressman drives to the hoop and throws a no look bounce pass to Hederman for two. 47-47. Corrigan hits a three. Little Bressman hits a three. Corrigan hits another three. Big Bressman hits a three. 53-53, 5 minutes left. This game is insane!
Logan drives past Ewers. The refs whistle Ewers for a phantom block and Logan has the opportunity for three points, the old-fashioned way. He converts. little Bressman walks the ball up the court and fires basically from half-court. 53-53. Frischling is a bit upset with young Bressman's shot selection, but after all, half-court is not that far on the Collegiate hardwood. And Cheddar is a maniac, maniac that's for sure. But he's playing like he's never played before.
The game continues at a ridiculous pace. Williams hits. Hederman hits. Logan Hits. Ewers hits. Players are rising to the occasion. 57-57. Three minutes left.
Corrigan drives. And-one. 60-57. Dalton runs a pick and roll for Hederman. Big Bressman feeds him perfectly. 60-59.
Logan comes down and misses a three. Long outlet to MF who finishes. 61-60 Dalton. Can this really be happening? Is Dalton really going to pull this off?
Not just yet. Corrigan hits a shot from the elbow. 62-61 Poly. Down the court, little Bressman drives and draws a foul. He misses his first foul shot. His face drops. He looks lost on the stripe. He gathers himself and swishes the second one. 62-62. 1:23 left in the game.
Poly runs a stalled offense. As Green, Versoza and Corrigan swing the ball around the arc, the clock is ticking. 56 seconds. 43 seconds. 32 seconds. With 20 seconds left Versoza fakes the hand-off to Corrigan and drives to the hoop. Hederman comes out of nowhere and punches his shot against the wall. "AHHHHHHHH!" 14 seconds left. 62-62. Poly runs a double screen for Corrigan off the inbound, but Ewers hedges and he has no where to go. He finds Danny Green cutting to the hoop. Green takes one dribble and floats it over Ewers' outstretched arm. The ball bounces off the rim, backboard, rim and rolls in. 8 seconds left. Dalton pushes the ball up the court. Little Bressman passes to his older brother who passes to MF driving to the hoop. Keith blocks his shot, and the whistle sounds. Poly celebrates, but is it too soon? The ref signals two shots. Williams is called for a blocking foul.
So here we are. No time remains on the clock. Dalton trails by two. MF spins the ball twice, bends his knees and swishes the first shot. Little Bressman looks to the Dalton bench and sees a generation of players. There's Lapidus. Suttles. Soam Lall. Adam Haber. Jake Sokol. Mike Lavipour. Phineas Lambert. Matt Inra. Ron Harel. Jake Paulson. They're all there. They're holding hands. The water boys have grown up and are saying some sort of prayer to the Ivy League Gods. In the corner, Haykin, Landau and Alter embrace.
MF looks at the hoop. Looks down. He shoots. The ball floats through the air slower than the final pitch in Rookie of The Year. Older Bressman can't look. The ball hits the rim, hits the backboard....and rims out. Poly wins.
The tournament takes and it gives. Dalton huddles at center court. Everyone is in tears. They all know they've just been a part of something special. There is a moment of silence as they look at each other. They shake hands with Poly and quietly walk off the court. In the locker room, they thank each other...for the memories.
12.07.2005
LEGEND!
49 years ago today, you were born, Larry. From all of us over at blogspot.com, Happy Birthday Buddy!
The Ivy Prep League Championship: The Semi-Finals
#1 Poly Prep vs. #4 Horace Mann
Poly Prep jumps out to an early 8-2 lead, but Sculco hits two threes and like that, the game is tied. After hitting the second triple, Sculco points to the Poly bench and the crowd goes crazy. The refs warn Sculco, but it's too late. The message has been sent: this is going to be a game. Poly regroups with an And-One college lay-up by Lish and enters the second with a 4 point lead.
Sculco hits a three to start the second and Roger Ramirez rips Versoza in the front court. The Lions suddenly take their first lead of the game. Logan hits a fadeaway turn-around in the corner and Poly regains a 1 point lead. Bulman gets onto the board for the first time, but Logan comes back immediately with another fadeaway. Visions of that fateful 1999 State finals creep into Barile's head. He knows he's gonna have to keep the ball away from Logan if he wants to win this game. Sculco misses a long three as the buzzer sounds indicating the end of the first half. Poly Prep: 35. Horace Mann:29
Barile is furious at half-time. He curses at Chess for playing weak. He leaves the locker room in a huff, and the somewhat dejected Lions sit silently. Sculco gives a speech that rivals Gene Hackman's in Hoosiers and when Horace Mann steps back onto the court, the Lions feel like they're no longer on 78th and amsterdam, but in a fieldhouse somewhere in French Lick, Indiana. The Lions come out in their signature defensive set: a trapping 1-3-1. Corrigan throws a cross-court oop to Keith Williams, but Chess steps in and takes out Lish's bony legs. Lish gets up ready to fight, but Versoza is there to calm him down. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Barile holding back a smile. Two shots, the ball and a Danny Green lay up. Suddenly Poly is up 10. Sculco misses a contested three. Versoza hits a wide open one. Poly is up 13.
Horace Mann calls a time and manages to put together a short run to end the third. End of the third Quarter, Poly Prep 54. Horace Mann 45
Sculco gets it going again with a shot from the elbow, and suddenly Horace Mann is back. 54-48. Versoza turns it over and Ramirez drives and kicks to Rubin for a three. 54-51. Barile and Moose look at each other jokingly. Who knew? Time out Poly. All the Horace Mann mothers frantically call their mothers. Are the Lions going to do it?
3:15 left in the fourth. Poly leads 59-58.
In the huddle, Talleyrand draws up a double back screen for Logan who catches an alley-oop, hits the lay-up, and draws a foul on Chess, his fifth. Aaron Zises, who is sitting in the stands, rips off his designer suit and is inexplicably wearing his high school Lions' away jersey (Still fits, though judging from his facebook photo album, it's a little tighter than usual). He gives his teammates high fives and the Lions regather themselves. Barile surprises everyone by going into Bulman who delivers. 62-60, Poly. 1:45 left. Ray Corrigan calls a play, looks at Sculco who is already retreating into help and wets a three from the top of the key. 65-60. Sculco insists that he takes the ball up the court, but doesn't see Versoza sneaking in for the double team. Versoza steals the ball from Sculco, and pitches it ahead to Lish who throws it down and does some sort of high step down the court. Poly hits their free throws and wins, 71-65.
#2 Collegiate vs. #3 Dalton
Collegiate is definitely ready to play. Ballou dunks in lay-up lines as the edited version Pharoahe Monch's "Simon Says" blares over the gym's loud speakers. Because the song is edited, basically every other word is a bleep. Cheddar doesn't like this. There is an uneasy transition to Eiffel 65's "Blue Da Ba Dee" and like that the horn rings indicating that the game is about to begin.
Collegiate sends a message from the beginning. Ballou tips the ball straight to Sean Carey for a three and like that, it's on. For the first time in school history, the Dutchmen have more points than seconds elapsed. Cheddar Ted, a bit rattled by the cowbell--he once had a tough experience on a farm when he was 8 years old--throws the ball away right to Scott, who pushes the ball ahead to Ballou for a dunk. Collegiate fans are dumbfounded. They have never seen Ballou dunk outside of Warm-ups. Frischling signals for a time-out from the sidelines.
Heavy T yells at his players. "Forget about the crowd! Forget about this fictional tournament! It's just us. You five on the court and me. Stay together. Get the job done."
We walk back onto the court, thankful for such a great coach, and we are ready to go. As far as the Tigers are concerned, the game has finally begun and Collegiate has a 5 point headstart. Ewers imbounds to younger Bressman and the Tigers run their patented "Secondary Break." Cheddar swings to Hederman at the top of the key. Ballou plays him from the foul line, daring him to shoot the three. Fine. 5-3 Dutchmen.
Younger and Older Bressman both slap the floor on defense. The 7th and 8th grade Collegiate fans take composition books out of their navy Collegiate backpacks and begin taking notes. Older Bressman steals the ball from Scott, and scores a right-handed lay-up from the left side.
The first quarter ends tied at 14.
The second quarter belongs to Collegiate. Beal, held scoreless in the first, pulls down an offensive rebound from a Will Scott miss, and lays it in for two. On the other end he swats a Ewers' hook shot straight to Carey who takes it down court and passes back to Beal for a three. The crowd cheers as Dalton fans wonder how a shot so ugly can go in. Immediately Cheddar hits a three on the other end, and Dalton fans stop wondering...
Cheddar's three is the last shot the Dalton will hit in the second quarter. Collegiate leads by 12 as the Tigers and Dutchmen head to their respective locker rooms.
Dalton looks demoralized. Frischling waits outside the locker room. Is someone going to step up and lead the Tigers. Even though they played hard in the first half, they failed to execute.
All eyes go to Will Bressman. He clears his throat and looks around the room. First at Hederman, then at Ewers, then MF, then at his brother.
"We can beat this team. True they might have great shooters, but so do we. MF, when was the last time you went a full half of basketball without hitting a three? Teddy, you are quicker than Sean. Break him down and look inside or kick it to MF or me. We'll hit the shot. Big men, just keep on banging. I know Kassar's tough, Ryan, but hit him back. Box him out.
"Listen, I know this team is good. They're scary down low and they're dangerous from the outside. But for a second I want you to look around the locker room. Do you think there's any team in this league with more heart? Do you think Will Scott is thinking about hitting a three or diving for a ball right now over on the other side of this abnormally gigantic locker room? That's what I thought.
"Let's take it to them right now. In their house. In front of their fans. In their tournament. Let's execute on offense, and on defense let's get it done. Just look at your man and know that you want it more than he does. If we play harder and we want it more, we will win this game."
Frischling enters the locker room and begins to speak, but he looks at his players and knows they're ready to go (He also knows that there's not much time left before half time draws to a close, and he wants them to get a few shots up before the second half starts).
The second half is underway and older Bressman doesn't waste any time. He calls for a high screen from Ewers. Scott goes under it and Bressman wets a three. He pumps his fist like Jordan after his buzzer beater in game 1 of the 1997 finals vs. the Jazz. On the other end, older Bressman steals a cross court skip pass and pitches it ahead to Hederman who takes one dribble and hits a shot from the elbow. Carey shoots a three in Cheddar's face that is way off. Ewers rebounds and outlets to MF who pulls up for a three that rips through the net. The tigers have battled back and trail by four.
Collegiate time-out.
Vokel runs a play for Carey and Scott rolls his eyes. Beal takes Scott aside and reminds him that they're in it together. The play works and Carey is wide open for a three. Collegiate goes back up by 7. Hederman inbounds the ball quickly and Little Bressman pitches it to his older brother who drives to the hoop and draws the foul and finishes over Kassar. He misses the foul shot, but Ewers pulls down the rebound and hits a hook in the lane. Cheddar screams awkwardly and slaps the floor. He steals the ball from Carey, but in his excitement, he misses the lay-up pretty badly. Lucky for Cheddar, MF is there and puts it in for two. Carey looks scared for the first time all game.
The Dutchmen have no flow on offense. Scott forces a three with a hand in his face and misses. Cheddar gets the outlet and sprints down the court for a lay-up. He does not miss this time. Dalton takes their first lead of the game as the buzzer sounds indicating the end of the third quarter.
Beal starts the fourth with a drive and dish to Kassar and Collegiate retakes the lead. Collegiate shows a zone for the first time and you can hear Frischling from the bench yelling "Zwicker! Zwicker!" On most days, Cheddar would stop for a moment and think to himself, "what a weird name for a play," but not today. He takes the ball to the right side of the court and skips it to MF for a three. Swish.
On the other end Carey drives on little Bressman, but is out of control. Faherty steps in to take the charge, but the ref signals for a block. Little Bressman has to gather himself, because he is furious and doesn't want to be t'ed up like he was in the Finals of the Collegiate tournament his sophomore year. Luckilly, Dalton has the more mature, 2001-2002 Cheddar. He regains his composure as Carey misses the first free throw.
He hits the second. Dalton leads 58-57. Collegiate stays in the zone and the Bressman brothers pass the ball back and forth for a bit, giving their mother an opportunity to photograph the only siblings to take home MVP honors at the collegiate tournament in its history. Ballou, who has also stopped to pose for the photograph, is out of position. Little Bressman lobs a pass to Ewers who catches it in the air and lays it in for two.
Dalton leads 60-57 with only four minutes to go in the fourth. Collegiate runs a double screen for Scott, but Will Bressman gambles and goes over the screen. He steals the ball. Scott, frustrated by Carey's poor execution, races after Bressman with a scary look in his eyes. He tries to block the ball, but instead fouls him very hard. The crowd grows quiet as older Bressman lies on the ground. A Collegiate fan breaks the silence with a tastless jab and younger Bressman curses at him from the court.
Older Bressman gets up. He hits the foul shots. 62-57. The Tigers have their biggest lead of the game with 3 minutes and change remaining. Every player on Dalton slaps the floor. There is no way they are going to lose this game. Beal drives on the undersized MF and kicks it out to Carey who misses a three. Hederman pulls down his 9th rebound of the game and is immediately fouled. Collegiate is over the limit, and Hederman knocks down both foul shots. Next time down Scott drives and flails his arms wildly, but the refs are not fooled. Hederman is fouled again. Again, he hits both foul shots.
Dalton pulls off the first upset of the tournament 66-60. They will face Poly in the championship game.
Poly Prep jumps out to an early 8-2 lead, but Sculco hits two threes and like that, the game is tied. After hitting the second triple, Sculco points to the Poly bench and the crowd goes crazy. The refs warn Sculco, but it's too late. The message has been sent: this is going to be a game. Poly regroups with an And-One college lay-up by Lish and enters the second with a 4 point lead.
Sculco hits a three to start the second and Roger Ramirez rips Versoza in the front court. The Lions suddenly take their first lead of the game. Logan hits a fadeaway turn-around in the corner and Poly regains a 1 point lead. Bulman gets onto the board for the first time, but Logan comes back immediately with another fadeaway. Visions of that fateful 1999 State finals creep into Barile's head. He knows he's gonna have to keep the ball away from Logan if he wants to win this game. Sculco misses a long three as the buzzer sounds indicating the end of the first half. Poly Prep: 35. Horace Mann:29
Barile is furious at half-time. He curses at Chess for playing weak. He leaves the locker room in a huff, and the somewhat dejected Lions sit silently. Sculco gives a speech that rivals Gene Hackman's in Hoosiers and when Horace Mann steps back onto the court, the Lions feel like they're no longer on 78th and amsterdam, but in a fieldhouse somewhere in French Lick, Indiana. The Lions come out in their signature defensive set: a trapping 1-3-1. Corrigan throws a cross-court oop to Keith Williams, but Chess steps in and takes out Lish's bony legs. Lish gets up ready to fight, but Versoza is there to calm him down. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Barile holding back a smile. Two shots, the ball and a Danny Green lay up. Suddenly Poly is up 10. Sculco misses a contested three. Versoza hits a wide open one. Poly is up 13.
Horace Mann calls a time and manages to put together a short run to end the third. End of the third Quarter, Poly Prep 54. Horace Mann 45
Sculco gets it going again with a shot from the elbow, and suddenly Horace Mann is back. 54-48. Versoza turns it over and Ramirez drives and kicks to Rubin for a three. 54-51. Barile and Moose look at each other jokingly. Who knew? Time out Poly. All the Horace Mann mothers frantically call their mothers. Are the Lions going to do it?
3:15 left in the fourth. Poly leads 59-58.
In the huddle, Talleyrand draws up a double back screen for Logan who catches an alley-oop, hits the lay-up, and draws a foul on Chess, his fifth. Aaron Zises, who is sitting in the stands, rips off his designer suit and is inexplicably wearing his high school Lions' away jersey (Still fits, though judging from his facebook photo album, it's a little tighter than usual). He gives his teammates high fives and the Lions regather themselves. Barile surprises everyone by going into Bulman who delivers. 62-60, Poly. 1:45 left. Ray Corrigan calls a play, looks at Sculco who is already retreating into help and wets a three from the top of the key. 65-60. Sculco insists that he takes the ball up the court, but doesn't see Versoza sneaking in for the double team. Versoza steals the ball from Sculco, and pitches it ahead to Lish who throws it down and does some sort of high step down the court. Poly hits their free throws and wins, 71-65.
#2 Collegiate vs. #3 Dalton
Collegiate is definitely ready to play. Ballou dunks in lay-up lines as the edited version Pharoahe Monch's "Simon Says" blares over the gym's loud speakers. Because the song is edited, basically every other word is a bleep. Cheddar doesn't like this. There is an uneasy transition to Eiffel 65's "Blue Da Ba Dee" and like that the horn rings indicating that the game is about to begin.
Collegiate sends a message from the beginning. Ballou tips the ball straight to Sean Carey for a three and like that, it's on. For the first time in school history, the Dutchmen have more points than seconds elapsed. Cheddar Ted, a bit rattled by the cowbell--he once had a tough experience on a farm when he was 8 years old--throws the ball away right to Scott, who pushes the ball ahead to Ballou for a dunk. Collegiate fans are dumbfounded. They have never seen Ballou dunk outside of Warm-ups. Frischling signals for a time-out from the sidelines.
Heavy T yells at his players. "Forget about the crowd! Forget about this fictional tournament! It's just us. You five on the court and me. Stay together. Get the job done."
We walk back onto the court, thankful for such a great coach, and we are ready to go. As far as the Tigers are concerned, the game has finally begun and Collegiate has a 5 point headstart. Ewers imbounds to younger Bressman and the Tigers run their patented "Secondary Break." Cheddar swings to Hederman at the top of the key. Ballou plays him from the foul line, daring him to shoot the three. Fine. 5-3 Dutchmen.
Younger and Older Bressman both slap the floor on defense. The 7th and 8th grade Collegiate fans take composition books out of their navy Collegiate backpacks and begin taking notes. Older Bressman steals the ball from Scott, and scores a right-handed lay-up from the left side.
The first quarter ends tied at 14.
The second quarter belongs to Collegiate. Beal, held scoreless in the first, pulls down an offensive rebound from a Will Scott miss, and lays it in for two. On the other end he swats a Ewers' hook shot straight to Carey who takes it down court and passes back to Beal for a three. The crowd cheers as Dalton fans wonder how a shot so ugly can go in. Immediately Cheddar hits a three on the other end, and Dalton fans stop wondering...
Cheddar's three is the last shot the Dalton will hit in the second quarter. Collegiate leads by 12 as the Tigers and Dutchmen head to their respective locker rooms.
Dalton looks demoralized. Frischling waits outside the locker room. Is someone going to step up and lead the Tigers. Even though they played hard in the first half, they failed to execute.
All eyes go to Will Bressman. He clears his throat and looks around the room. First at Hederman, then at Ewers, then MF, then at his brother.
"We can beat this team. True they might have great shooters, but so do we. MF, when was the last time you went a full half of basketball without hitting a three? Teddy, you are quicker than Sean. Break him down and look inside or kick it to MF or me. We'll hit the shot. Big men, just keep on banging. I know Kassar's tough, Ryan, but hit him back. Box him out.
"Listen, I know this team is good. They're scary down low and they're dangerous from the outside. But for a second I want you to look around the locker room. Do you think there's any team in this league with more heart? Do you think Will Scott is thinking about hitting a three or diving for a ball right now over on the other side of this abnormally gigantic locker room? That's what I thought.
"Let's take it to them right now. In their house. In front of their fans. In their tournament. Let's execute on offense, and on defense let's get it done. Just look at your man and know that you want it more than he does. If we play harder and we want it more, we will win this game."
Frischling enters the locker room and begins to speak, but he looks at his players and knows they're ready to go (He also knows that there's not much time left before half time draws to a close, and he wants them to get a few shots up before the second half starts).
The second half is underway and older Bressman doesn't waste any time. He calls for a high screen from Ewers. Scott goes under it and Bressman wets a three. He pumps his fist like Jordan after his buzzer beater in game 1 of the 1997 finals vs. the Jazz. On the other end, older Bressman steals a cross court skip pass and pitches it ahead to Hederman who takes one dribble and hits a shot from the elbow. Carey shoots a three in Cheddar's face that is way off. Ewers rebounds and outlets to MF who pulls up for a three that rips through the net. The tigers have battled back and trail by four.
Collegiate time-out.
Vokel runs a play for Carey and Scott rolls his eyes. Beal takes Scott aside and reminds him that they're in it together. The play works and Carey is wide open for a three. Collegiate goes back up by 7. Hederman inbounds the ball quickly and Little Bressman pitches it to his older brother who drives to the hoop and draws the foul and finishes over Kassar. He misses the foul shot, but Ewers pulls down the rebound and hits a hook in the lane. Cheddar screams awkwardly and slaps the floor. He steals the ball from Carey, but in his excitement, he misses the lay-up pretty badly. Lucky for Cheddar, MF is there and puts it in for two. Carey looks scared for the first time all game.
The Dutchmen have no flow on offense. Scott forces a three with a hand in his face and misses. Cheddar gets the outlet and sprints down the court for a lay-up. He does not miss this time. Dalton takes their first lead of the game as the buzzer sounds indicating the end of the third quarter.
Beal starts the fourth with a drive and dish to Kassar and Collegiate retakes the lead. Collegiate shows a zone for the first time and you can hear Frischling from the bench yelling "Zwicker! Zwicker!" On most days, Cheddar would stop for a moment and think to himself, "what a weird name for a play," but not today. He takes the ball to the right side of the court and skips it to MF for a three. Swish.
On the other end Carey drives on little Bressman, but is out of control. Faherty steps in to take the charge, but the ref signals for a block. Little Bressman has to gather himself, because he is furious and doesn't want to be t'ed up like he was in the Finals of the Collegiate tournament his sophomore year. Luckilly, Dalton has the more mature, 2001-2002 Cheddar. He regains his composure as Carey misses the first free throw.
He hits the second. Dalton leads 58-57. Collegiate stays in the zone and the Bressman brothers pass the ball back and forth for a bit, giving their mother an opportunity to photograph the only siblings to take home MVP honors at the collegiate tournament in its history. Ballou, who has also stopped to pose for the photograph, is out of position. Little Bressman lobs a pass to Ewers who catches it in the air and lays it in for two.
Dalton leads 60-57 with only four minutes to go in the fourth. Collegiate runs a double screen for Scott, but Will Bressman gambles and goes over the screen. He steals the ball. Scott, frustrated by Carey's poor execution, races after Bressman with a scary look in his eyes. He tries to block the ball, but instead fouls him very hard. The crowd grows quiet as older Bressman lies on the ground. A Collegiate fan breaks the silence with a tastless jab and younger Bressman curses at him from the court.
Older Bressman gets up. He hits the foul shots. 62-57. The Tigers have their biggest lead of the game with 3 minutes and change remaining. Every player on Dalton slaps the floor. There is no way they are going to lose this game. Beal drives on the undersized MF and kicks it out to Carey who misses a three. Hederman pulls down his 9th rebound of the game and is immediately fouled. Collegiate is over the limit, and Hederman knocks down both foul shots. Next time down Scott drives and flails his arms wildly, but the refs are not fooled. Hederman is fouled again. Again, he hits both foul shots.
Dalton pulls off the first upset of the tournament 66-60. They will face Poly in the championship game.
12.05.2005
The Ivy Prep League Championship: First Round
Before the tournament begins, please note the following roster changes for Horace Mann and Collegiate.
Horace Mann Small Forward Ricky Ricardo was off shooting "I Love Lucy remakes" and could not avail himself to play in the tournament, so he's out. He will be replaced by Jason Rubin (1999-2000). Gordon Saft (I told you you'd make the blog sooner or later, jackass) writes that it would be a shame to exclude "Rubin, not because he was the most skilled, but because he was the heart of the team when there was none...He kept them together out there when Sculco was out to lunch and Ray was stoned." In this regard, Rubin, the Charles Barkley of all of Riverdale county (Manhattan Jaspers included) gets the nod. Will he make the difference for the Lions? Probably not, but he adds a valuable rebounding presence and several hundred pounds to the Horace Mann starting five, and that's something. Personally, I think the Lions need another Rubin and two sides of Cheddar to match Poly's healthy serving of intensity or Dalton's signature dish: heart.
Collegiate's Stephan Laputka will be replaced by Mike Kassar (1999-2000), the Charles Barkley of the Upper West Side. Kassar was good for 12 and 10 every night, and it turns out all Laputka was good for was a hemp necklace and a smile. Kassar's style of play is what made the Ivy League great. He simply played the way you were supposed to. He crashed the boards as hard as he could and always valued a win over personal success, and aside from unhealthy academic and social competition, that's what the Ivy League was all about. I would like to sincerely apologize to you Kassar for forgetting you the first time around. I wish you the best of luck in this tournament, and beyond.
Now that we have logistics out of the way, I give you the first round of the Ivy Prep League Championships...
#1 Poly Prep vs. #8 Riverdale--Riverdale is no match for Poly. The game is uncomfortable from the start. Poly jumps out to a double digit lead halfway through the first and doesn't look back. Poly wins 68-35.
#2 Collegiate vs. #7 Fieldston--Fieldston shocks the home team fans by jumping out to an early lead and holding onto it through the first half. Midway through the third, the Dutchmen seize momentum with a Will Scott three and an uncontested Michael Beal dunk. Wertz leads an early fourth quarter run with two mid-range jumpshots. Berland hits a three and pumps his fists, but it is not enough. Charles Miller has been neutralized and Zach Curtin is essentially silent. The Dutchmen escape slightly scathed, but battle tested. They will be ready for their second round match-up against the winner of Dalton-Trinity.
#3 Dalton vs. #6 Trinity--Anti-semitism runs rampant through the first quarter, and Byrnes stops the game to remind fans about the true value of friendly competition. The Tigers play each other close for the first quarter and a half, but after Cheddar Ted steals two consecutive errand David Bellar inbound passes for lay-ups just like he did at Trinity's Homecoming Game in 1999, it's over. Aside from the racial slurs and Cheddar’s defensive prowess, the game is relatively uneventful. Ewers and Hederman dominate down low, combining for 39 points and 17 rebounds. Dalton wins by 19.
#4 Horace Mann vs. #5 Hackley--The most hyped game of the first round disappoints fans on both sides. Hackley comes out about as flat as the chests of the 6th grade Chapin girls who have come to flirt with 7th and 8th grade Collegiate boys who couldn't care less as long as Sean Carey's shooting well from three-point land. Sculco drops 35 and Horace Mann wins by 25. McDermott actually throws a punch at Halas midway through the fourth and is benched for the remainder of the game.
Horace Mann Small Forward Ricky Ricardo was off shooting "I Love Lucy remakes" and could not avail himself to play in the tournament, so he's out. He will be replaced by Jason Rubin (1999-2000). Gordon Saft (I told you you'd make the blog sooner or later, jackass) writes that it would be a shame to exclude "Rubin, not because he was the most skilled, but because he was the heart of the team when there was none...He kept them together out there when Sculco was out to lunch and Ray was stoned." In this regard, Rubin, the Charles Barkley of all of Riverdale county (Manhattan Jaspers included) gets the nod. Will he make the difference for the Lions? Probably not, but he adds a valuable rebounding presence and several hundred pounds to the Horace Mann starting five, and that's something. Personally, I think the Lions need another Rubin and two sides of Cheddar to match Poly's healthy serving of intensity or Dalton's signature dish: heart.
Collegiate's Stephan Laputka will be replaced by Mike Kassar (1999-2000), the Charles Barkley of the Upper West Side. Kassar was good for 12 and 10 every night, and it turns out all Laputka was good for was a hemp necklace and a smile. Kassar's style of play is what made the Ivy League great. He simply played the way you were supposed to. He crashed the boards as hard as he could and always valued a win over personal success, and aside from unhealthy academic and social competition, that's what the Ivy League was all about. I would like to sincerely apologize to you Kassar for forgetting you the first time around. I wish you the best of luck in this tournament, and beyond.
Now that we have logistics out of the way, I give you the first round of the Ivy Prep League Championships...
#1 Poly Prep vs. #8 Riverdale--Riverdale is no match for Poly. The game is uncomfortable from the start. Poly jumps out to a double digit lead halfway through the first and doesn't look back. Poly wins 68-35.
#2 Collegiate vs. #7 Fieldston--Fieldston shocks the home team fans by jumping out to an early lead and holding onto it through the first half. Midway through the third, the Dutchmen seize momentum with a Will Scott three and an uncontested Michael Beal dunk. Wertz leads an early fourth quarter run with two mid-range jumpshots. Berland hits a three and pumps his fists, but it is not enough. Charles Miller has been neutralized and Zach Curtin is essentially silent. The Dutchmen escape slightly scathed, but battle tested. They will be ready for their second round match-up against the winner of Dalton-Trinity.
#3 Dalton vs. #6 Trinity--Anti-semitism runs rampant through the first quarter, and Byrnes stops the game to remind fans about the true value of friendly competition. The Tigers play each other close for the first quarter and a half, but after Cheddar Ted steals two consecutive errand David Bellar inbound passes for lay-ups just like he did at Trinity's Homecoming Game in 1999, it's over. Aside from the racial slurs and Cheddar’s defensive prowess, the game is relatively uneventful. Ewers and Hederman dominate down low, combining for 39 points and 17 rebounds. Dalton wins by 19.
#4 Horace Mann vs. #5 Hackley--The most hyped game of the first round disappoints fans on both sides. Hackley comes out about as flat as the chests of the 6th grade Chapin girls who have come to flirt with 7th and 8th grade Collegiate boys who couldn't care less as long as Sean Carey's shooting well from three-point land. Sculco drops 35 and Horace Mann wins by 25. McDermott actually throws a punch at Halas midway through the fourth and is benched for the remainder of the game.
12.03.2005
A Few More Confessions....Why The Hell Not?
1) I like Jason Mraz.
2) In my Harvard Yearbook bio, I list JV Basketball and The Nigerian Students Association as my only two activities on campus. My picture is also horrendous and will certainly depress my lineage down the road. ("That was daddy?! Oh...")
3) I haven't had a comfortable conversation with anyone other than Gritz in about 4 days.
2) In my Harvard Yearbook bio, I list JV Basketball and The Nigerian Students Association as my only two activities on campus. My picture is also horrendous and will certainly depress my lineage down the road. ("That was daddy?! Oh...")
3) I haven't had a comfortable conversation with anyone other than Gritz in about 4 days.
12.02.2005
The Ivy Preparatory League Championship: The Rosters
With the Dalton Alumni Thanksgiving Basketball game just a few days past, I could not help but feel a bit nostalgic for the days of Dalton basketball. So I got to thinking. How could I possibly relive my glory days in a way that is not only pathetic, but also completely insane? I thought and thought: Like a jury, I deliberated.
"Here's an idea, Cheddar. Why don't you recreate what would happen in a hypothetical tournament of all the Ivy Prep League teams with their best players over the years you were in junior high and high school?"
So without further ado....
The Rosters for the First Annual Collegiate Ivy League Hall of Fame Tournament (1998-2003)
8th Seed--Riverdale--This team is the worst team in the Ivy League year after year. Forever limited by an obsolete system and frustrated talent, Riverdale never could quite put it together for more than just a game or two. For this reason they are without a doubt the 8th and last seed. They enter the tournament demoralized, but surprisingly well-conditioned. Their only chance to succeed lies in the almost negligibly low probability that Coach Clark's slowed down offense will work in Collegiate's matchbox of a gym.
Point Guard--Gui Stampur (1999-2000)--One of the wisest guards in the league, but in his heart, basketball would always play second fiddle to soccer. Respected the Riverdale system, but did the Riverdale system respect him in return?
Shooting Guard--Jarred Sims (1998-1999)--Riverdale Class of 2002, but gave his best to the Ivy League during his rookie season. People touted this kid as the next best thing that would tear up the Ivy League ever since the days of CATS, but a bad ankle injury and a sore shoulder never let him grow into the player he was destined to be. This cat had more promise than Butch Huskey when he was coming up, but never put it together.
Small Forward--Reggie Mays (2001-2002)--Coming back after temporarily quitting the team for his junior season (sources say he might have gone to the Mountain School like Abdel Reid, the biggest chach to play for Collegiate behind Stephan Laputka), Mays brings a jaded passion into Clark's draconian system. He is well undersized to play the three, but Clark makes it work by making the 1, 2 and 3 spot virtually interchangeable.
Power Forward--Micah Weiss(2001-2002)--Solid 4 man with a nice touch around the hoop. Arguably the nicest guy in the tournament, at least from a distance (I've never met him).
Center--Who Cares. This team has no chance of winning.
7th Seed--Fieldston--This team is one pure shooter away from the sixth seed, but lack of talent and a general penchant for injury relegates this "alternative" Ivy to its proper position. Armed with a fantastic wing man, a court-savvy point-guard, a renegade power forward and a Center that would make Legend proud, Fieldston definitely won't shy away from its higher seeded opponent, but the slipper just might not fit for the Eagles. Now if it were a pair of Birkenstocks...
Point Guard--Jamie Berland (1999-2000)--This guy didn't look good shooting the ball, nor could he really cross anyone up, but he played within himself and rarely turned the ball over. In that regard he was a solid team leader and an obvious choice for the 1 spot.
Shooting Guard--Kessler (1997-1998)--When I asked my brother what this Fieldstonian's first name was, he said "He just went by Kessler (Like Kramer)." I never knew this guy, but Legend (not Larry, you idiots) has it that he played off guard/small forward and was a great athlete, but in the end, he was a quarterback and not a basketball player. He was a great example of an ivy league athlete, not necessarily, however, an ivy league basketball player.
Small Forward--Charles Miller (1999-2000)--This dude should have listened to my boy Gritz, because he peaked way too early (This may or may not be because he broke his leg the summer before his junior year). When I was a sophomore, Miller was at the top of our class. He had a sick mid range shot, could finish over big men, could take a hit and still finish, and really knew how to run the floor. He could turn a long rebound into an uncontested lay-up in three seconds flat. Scoring most of his points in transition, this undersized 3 man was the consummate slasher.
Power Forward--Zach Kurtin (1998-99)--Kurtin was the star of the Fieldston team, but he never really embraced the team game. He had a ton of talent, but it just seemed like he never could get his team over the top. Maybe he shouldn't be blamed, but he never took Fieldston to the next level. His sister, however, went on to star at Horace Mann.
Center--Andrew Wertz (1998-1999)--Maybe I was too young or too stupid at the time (I recall being a little upset that my coach didn't let me play JV that night even though he had no intention of playing me in the Varsity game), but I don't think I appreciated the show this guy put on at Fieldston Senior Night '99. Plagued by injuries all year, Wertz hobbled onto the court with a broken ankle and made an otherwise vanilla Dalton-Fieldston game into an ESPN instant classic...he made it the best Senior Night the Ivy League has ever been known. Down by six in the fourth, Wertz walked onto the court like Willis Reed in Fieldston's all-too-perfect orange and blue tank to give his team a boost. Sadly, it wasn't enough, and we pulled off our most hotly contested win of my freshman year. However, it was enough to earn him a place in Fieldston's Hall of Fame.
Sixth Man--Jonathan Bernstein (1998-99)--Bernstein was an undersized power forward whose greatest attribute was love of the game. Weaned on the playground courts of Lincoln Towers, the guy had heart, but unfortunately since the main comp at the tower courts is the plus 65 crowd, never finely honed his skills.
Sixth Seed--Trinity--If I had it my way, this team would be the 8th seed of the tournament. Without a doubt, Trinity was my least favorite team in the Ivy League year in and year out. Marked by underacheivers and a hated coach, Trinity had a knack for keeping it close until the third quarter then completely folding. The fiercest part of this team was the beautiful tiger painted over the center circle of the school's underappreciated, freshly remodeled court. Still, the gym itself was not perfect. Its enormous windows pose a catch 22 that must torment architects 'round the world: good lighting, but terrible glares on the backboards. Perhaps practice was never as efficient as it could have been. Trinity looks like they will be facing Dalton in the first round. The lesser Tigers are in trouble, just like they are every homecoming and Warren Hines night. Hopefully, there won't be any racial slurs during this year's contest, or else Larry Byrnes might have to give everyone at Collegiate an unbelievably hypocritical speech, and we wouldn't want that.
Point Guard--Michael Murphy (2000-2001) Like Fieldston's Berland, Murphy is a solid point guard who can handle the ball while the Tigers run their poorly mapped-out plays. However, his penchant for frustration (Are we really running the flex...again?!) might mark Murphy's demise. A better jump-shot would have made Murphy a second-team All-League player, but he still brings a lot to the table.
Shooting Guard-Danny "Guez" Rodriguez (1998-1999)--This kid's been faking injuries the sixth grade. A classic case of a disapointing Trinity baller, Guez peaked his sophomore year. Nevertheless, I do not mean to be too harsh on my Town Timberwolf buddy. Every night Guez comes with a cool confidence, an "f you" attitude and a deadly mid-range shot. His non-chalance is a Trinity staple, but it is the chip on his shoulder that gives the Tigers a chance in the tournament.
Small Forward--David Beller (1998-1999)--Beller played his best ball as a junior. Actually, he peaked on the paved courts of the BLC and has been going downhill ever since he inched out Jake Paulson and Michael Johnson to take home mvp honors in DRIBBL's inaugural season. Still, as one of the best junior high ballers in the city, Beller had a long way to fall and to his credit he was still playing at a high level in '99. A nice inside-outside game with a softer touch than Guez makes him dangerous, but not too dangerous as long as a hand's in his face.
Power Forward--Will Gilespie (2000-2001)--This guy finally realized his potential his senior year. An Ivy League coach's dream come true, Gilespie had heart, could jump higher than Decathalon D Bags Dan or Dave, and could finish like Wayne Simien towards the end of his career as a Jayhawk. Gilespie is the unsung hero of this Tigers team. Can you say 'x' factor!?
Center--Olivier Busque (1998-1999)--First off, how the F do you spell this guy's surname? Second, we are all very proud of Olivier, who is nice enough to put juicing Rebecca Bonelli on hold for the night to play in this Ivy Invitational. I never really saw this guy play, but I heard he could really play offense. I can't imagine him messing up his carefully gelled hair on D though, which might be a problem, given that he will be up against a center, and his true position is the three spot. Even more so than Guez, Olivier is the quintessential Trinity player: Pretty good, but too arrogant for his own good. He might have a few hot moves along the way, but that's not what the Ivy preparatory league is all about. Just ask John Elefteratkis, another kid with a surname that's near impossible to spell.
5th Seed--Hackley--This team is the closest thing to Team Iceland in D2 that the Ivy League has ever known. Without a doubt the worst academic school in the Ivy League, Hackley was a real question mark. I'm not even sure the school had a mascot. Those long bus rides to Tarrytown left player after player wondering, "What's this school even doing in the Ivy League?" But every year, you made the trip to that fortress of a gym. Every year you wondered how they painted the players' names so high on the wall. Every year, you'd leave with several bruises, and every year you never really knew who was going to win before the game started. My senior year I actually got into a verbal sparring match with a fan that almost escalated into blows during half time, but that was then and this is now. Hackley has a dangerous combination of shooting and physical play, and they might just give the league a run for its money, but I wouldn't count on it.
Point Guard--Maurice Smith (1999-2000)--A quick little sparkplug of a player. This guy could drive, shoot pretty well from three and really d you up without fouling too much. Let's put it this way, he was definitely Hackley's "Black" sheep, if you catch my drift. Nice point guard, but when all is said and done, nothing to write home about.
Shooting Guard--Pat McDermott (1999-2000)--Just like Fieldston's Charles Miller, McDermott peaked as a sophomore. This might come as a surprise to some of you Collegiate or Horace Mann fans out there, but McDermott had the purest shot in the league until he bulked up for football and went totally insane. Sophomore McDermott was as deadly as Randolph Childress in ACC tournaments. He was the type of dbag who had the moxie to cross you up, make you fall down, and then politely invite you to get back up before draining a three in your dome. This hot-head could ask for no better audience than the rowdy Collegiate fans.
Small Forward--John Halas (2000-2001)--A little worse than McDermott from behind the arc, but still deadly. Good Handle, pretty weak defender, but with the potential to catch fire literally at any moment. The McDermott-Halas 1,2 punch was pretty f'ing deadly...but were they a little too deadly?! A few missed shots, and these two became rather contentious. These two guys got into more on the court fights than Kobe Bryant and various teammates.
Power Forward--Pabis (2000-2001)--Who the hell knows what this kid's first name was. All he could do was rebound and throw elbows, but he was effective because he was tough. This guy was Hackley Basketball.
Center--Anonymous (1998-2003)--Every year Hackley had a center who was more unethical than the last. Count on this guy fouling in the third, only to be replaced by a doppelganger who picks up five fouls of his own before the game draws to a close.
4th Seed--Horace Mann--If you talked to Ray Barile, he'd tell you he his Lions were the best coached team in the L every year since he began his tenure. But the just like the Lion in the Wizard of Oz, these Lions lacked the courage to win when it counted. Overwhelmed by an overbearing coach, the Lions looked to the sidelines instead of their souls when the game was up in the air. You can only run so many double screens for Peter Sculco, buddies. Horace Mann was never a team until my senior year of high school, when they lost all their supposed "superstars." The Lions were simply a collection of players who were out for themselves. A microcosm for the school, perhaps!?
Point Guard--Roger Ramirez (2002-2003)--A lot of you might be wondering, "what about Brett Maget!? The best point guard the Ivy League's ever seen." Well, sorry buddies, but from what I hear about this guy, he was at best a bootleg version of Elliot Prasse-Freeman. This guy seems to have been as Jason Kidd as it gets, and whatever anyone says, you just can't be a good point guard if you're a ball hog. Enter Roger Ramirez. He'd been doing it since freshman year and he never became selfish. He could handle the ball. He could run an offense. Ramirez was never flashy, but could hit open threes, play sick d(efense), and never turned the ball over. His claim to fame was just the way he played the game...
Shooting Guard--Peter Sculco (1999-2000)--This guy was one of the best villains of the Ivy League. He was a jerk, selfish, threw cheap shots on defense, but he could stroke (even if his form was about as pretty as Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky). I remember box-in-one'ing this piece of shit my sophomore year, and he couldn't stop running his mouth. I thought I d'ed him up, but he still dropped 23. Even writing this now irks me, but the fact of the matter is that he was a great player, whatever you'll say about him. Still, there was something about him that prevented him from attaining a mythical status around the league. Maybe it was that costly turnover against Poly Prep in the decisive moments of the Federation tournament finals. Maybe it was the insecurity that plagues any big shot in high school. Whatever it was, Sculco was no Larry Legend, even though he'd contend he was.
Small Forward--Ricky Ricardo (1998-1999)--I know his first name wasn't Ricky and to be honest his last name may not have been Ricardo; that's just what my coach called him. This guy was the biggest idiot around, but he could ball. He was Sean Elliot meets Tim Thomas meets Enrique Iglesias, whatever the hell that means.
Power Forward--Eli Chess (2000-2001)--This guy should have transferred to Hackley, because he was the most unethical jerk to ever play in the Ivy League. He holds the record for most technical fouls, fouls, flagrant fouls, cheap shots, ejections, for being the sickest d-bag, whatever you can think of. He once flagrant fouled Big Cheddar and Cheddar in the same game! If Sculco was Shreddar, Chess was BeBop and RockSteady combined...and a few of those ninjas. He was evil in its purest form. The Jack Parkman of the Ivy League.
Center--Ray Bulman (1999-2000)--Hey the Village called, it needs its idiot back!? This guy was about as out to lunch as it gets. He didn't have a favorite NBA team; he didn't even have a favorite player. Still, he could block shots, rebound and finish, and he was as tall as that African dude from the Air Up There. Played with heart, but lacked the killer instinct a Center must possess to be great.
3rd Seed--Dalton--Generous? Maybe, but Dalton was the only Ivy League team to win Federation besides Poly over the years. From day 1, Coach Heavy T Frischling gave us all shirts that said: "Hard. Smart. Unselfish." We laughed them off at first, but in due course, we came to understand that those three words are what a basketball team is all about. Dalton was never blessed with exceptional athleticism, but played better defense than most, could shoot the three like Clemson backcourts in the late nineties, and had a chip on their shoulders that screamed: "not only do we belong, but we are better than you." The Tigers boasted a more inspired bunch of Jews than Judah and the Macabees. They also had the best coach by far (arguably excepting Horace Mann's assistant Coach, "Moose").
Point Guard--Teddy Bressman (2001-2002)--This is bizarre because I am this person, but here goes. One of the most dangerous guards the Ivy League has ever seen, Bressman the younger could break presses single handedly just like he could break hearts with deep threes in the fourth. He shot close to 60% from three his senior season and finally broke away from the Khalid El-Amin mold with a few dropped pounds and a mid range jump shot that was more Rip Hamilton than the mother from Rookie of the Year. He was no slouch on defense either. He had about as much heart as Orangeman Lazarus Sims, and could D up anyone in the league. Anyone.
Shooting Guard--Will Bressman (1999-2000)--One of the wisest guards to ever play in the Ivy League, Brother Will rounds out the best back court in the Ivy league behind Poly Prep's. Armed with the best set shot the league has ever seen, and an uncanny ability to drive to the goal, Bressman the elder is about as shifty as it comes. His game is timeless and so is his legacy. A class act on and off the court, Bressman, when finally given the opportunity to excel his senior season, shocked the league. He gave it his all every game. His heart makes him one of the most dangerous players in the tournament. Believe me when I say this: No one can touch the Bressman backcourt. No one.
Small Forward--Mike Faherty (2000-2001)--When this guy transferred from Poly, I'm surprised he didn't change his name to Adam Banks, and I'm surprised we didn't change our team name to the Mighty Ducks. Either way, this guy brought Dalton to the next level. I don't think I ever told him this, but he is the reason Dalton won the State Championship our Junior Season. He practiced harder than anyone I've ever seen and worked himself into a fantastic player. His shot was about as automatic as it comes, and he drew more charges than Shane Battier at his finest (note: his charges were always ethical). Faherty was the consummate 3 man.
Power Forward--Patrick Hederman (2001-2002)--By his senior year, Hederman had developed an unbelievable 3 point shot and could Sicma about as well as the namesake himself. Did not always show emotion on the court, but just like David Banner and his front court counterpart, when he got mad he got angry. Hederman has been dominant since the days of Carmine. Few could match his senior year strength, and if you could, he'd just shoot over you.
Center--Ryan Ewers (2000-2001)--The biggest mystery to ever play at Dalton, Ewers came in touted as the best player the Ivy League would ever see. "He had 60 points in a middle school game?" "He was 6 feet tall at the age of 10?!" Ewers played his best ball as a junior. Armed with a weird looking shot, but a sweet touch, Ewers could either disappear or dominate. He comes into the tournament as the wild card of Dalton's starting five, but has always played well at Collegiate. Could be a non-entity or MVP.
2nd Seed--Collegiate--This team plays hard and smart, but like an active volcano, the magma of jealousy and selfishness bubbles just below the surface. These Dutchmen are the quintessential paper champs. They boast good shooters, strong big men, home court advantage, but without a true point guard, who will assume the role of playmaker? Only one ball, but a lot of shooters. If this team can coalesce, they can beat anyone. But can they coalesce?
Point Guard--Sean Carey (1999-2000)--From the 1 spot, Collegiate's shortcoming are immediaetly evident. Carey has a purer stroke from behind the arc than Hubert Davis, and we all know Hubert Davis could really "stroke it." But he's no point guard. In fact his only weakness, aside from being a horrible defender, is his shakey handle. However, for the Dutchmen to make a run at this fake championship, he must step up and run the offense.
Shooting Guard--Will Scott (2002-2003)--You might know him as the son of the New York Knicks' doctor, or the brother of that cute Horace Mann Lioness, Kelly, but most know him as the best shooter inch for inch in the history of the Ivy Prep League. Though he may not be as pure as Carey--he is rumored to have taken several thousand shots a day during his high school summers--he is automatic from 3 point range and basically automatic off the dribble. Though he is not the quickest guy around, he makes up for it on the defensive end with a very, very impressive "wingspan."
Small Foward--Michael Beal (2001-2002)--Agressive and tough, Beal adds a much needed athleticism to the Dutchmen! He can defend the 1-5 spots and crashes the offensive boards like I crashed a few nights ago after a long night spent awake carousing in Lamont Library. The ultimate 'x' factor, Beal's contribution doesn't always show up in the stat column...or does it?! He's been known to put up 20, 10, 5, and 5 without even blinking an eye, just like that person who has never blinked his entire life. The Kevin Garnett of the Ivy League? Perhaps, but does that mean a championship will elude the grasp of his abnormally large hands? Only time will tell...
Power Forward--Stephan Laputka (2000-2001)--Laputka! Luckilly the tournament is being held at Collegiate, so he can squeeze in meals at La Caridad in between games. Just as long as the refs don't make him take off his hemp necklace during game play, look for this guy to "come up big" (pause) on the defensive end and on the offensive glass.
Center--Ballou (1998-1999)--This dude is timeless. Even though he was most effective during lay-up lines when he would catch an alley-oop to finish off "taps," he looked great in the Collegiate jersey and could intimidate any little Jewish guard driving through the lane. Just like Collegiate, however, Balou looks good on paper, but something is missing.
Sixth Man--Chris Liu (That Night he dropped 37 against Dalton in 1999)--Just in case Carey can't handle the pressure, we're bringing Liu along to run the point and knock down a few shots.
1st Seed--Poly Prep--Poly Prep. Poly f'ing Prep. This team was scary. Coached by the enigmatic vagabond, Talleyrand McNally, Poly played tougher defense, faster offense, talked more shit, fouled more, had worse students, was the only Ivy located in Brooklyn, was inexplicably sponsored by Nike, had old-school 7up billboards in their gym and players that actually went on to play in college. They scheduled tough out of conference games, held summer invitationals, and walked around like they belonged in a better league. They could intimidate most and their tenacious full-court press will certainly menace any offense in Collegiate's small gym, but if you could get past their press, if you played like you belonged, you could beat them. They enter the collegiate tournament a clear favorite, but stranger things have happened...Is there such a thing as too much talent?
Point Guard--John Versoza (1998-1999)--People touted him as the best on the ball defender in the Ivy League, but I played against this guy when I was just a freshman, and let's just put it this way...the jury's out. Versoza was definitely a solid ball-handler, but on defense, he was as good as you let him be. If you hit him back when he fouled, he suddenly didn't seem so intimidating. After all, he was just a 5'8" Chinese dude. He'll look like Ron Artest in the first round, but don't expect him to push Patty McDermott or Roger Ramirez around anytime soon...
Shooting Guard--Ray Corrigan (2000-2001)--RC cola was as Brooklyn as it gets. He was tough as nails, played with a facial expression that made him look more like a bulldog than a human, and had no qualms about draining his ugly looking three point set shot in your face from several feet behind the line. In my opinion, he was Poly's best player over the years.
Small Foward--Danny Green (2001-2002)--The baby of the group, Danny Green played with a smile that could win over any opposing fan. Green always looked good with the ball, but seemed out of place in a slowed down offense. Green was the type of player who would have 24 points by having six in every quarter...if you know what I mean. On the other hand, he could score eight points before you could say "Polytechincal," and for the rest of the game be totally silent. Just in case you were wondering, there is no relation to A.C. or the dude from Clue.
Power Forward--Keith Williams (2000-2001)--The best player to ever walk through the hallowed corridors of Allen Stevenson, Keith, aka Lish, was really the Kevin Garnett of the Ivy League. Tall and Lanky with a great touch, Lish could literally do it all. However, I'll always remember him as the dude crying at center court with his hands on his head after we took them out in the finals of the State Championship his senior year. That's the thing about Poly. When the game was on the line, who would step up and take the last shot?
Center--Andre Logan (1999-2000)--I guess the answer is pretty clear: Logan was the man to step up and hit the shot. This guy set the stage in the state finals his junior season when he single-handedly kept his team in the game against a dominant Woodmere team with fadeaway threes and defensive stops, and followed through with a state championship the following season. People always said he just didn't try against the "lesser" teams of the Ivy League, but you know what? I'm not sure if I buy it. Larry Legend once said, "I can remember when I first came in the league, Artis Gillmore told me one time, he played for Chicago, he said 'if you expect to play a long time in this league, you better quit mopping up the floor,' and I thought well he’s crazy because that’s what basketball’s all about. Well getting a little bit older now, and feeling the bangs and the bumps and the bruises and all that, I can see where’s he coming from, but I can’t change my style of play. I gotta play like that every night." I'm not sure if a true baller can turn it on and off...
What will happen as these young ballers fight it out like they used to?! Stay tuned to find out...
"Here's an idea, Cheddar. Why don't you recreate what would happen in a hypothetical tournament of all the Ivy Prep League teams with their best players over the years you were in junior high and high school?"
So without further ado....
The Rosters for the First Annual Collegiate Ivy League Hall of Fame Tournament (1998-2003)
8th Seed--Riverdale--This team is the worst team in the Ivy League year after year. Forever limited by an obsolete system and frustrated talent, Riverdale never could quite put it together for more than just a game or two. For this reason they are without a doubt the 8th and last seed. They enter the tournament demoralized, but surprisingly well-conditioned. Their only chance to succeed lies in the almost negligibly low probability that Coach Clark's slowed down offense will work in Collegiate's matchbox of a gym.
Point Guard--Gui Stampur (1999-2000)--One of the wisest guards in the league, but in his heart, basketball would always play second fiddle to soccer. Respected the Riverdale system, but did the Riverdale system respect him in return?
Shooting Guard--Jarred Sims (1998-1999)--Riverdale Class of 2002, but gave his best to the Ivy League during his rookie season. People touted this kid as the next best thing that would tear up the Ivy League ever since the days of CATS, but a bad ankle injury and a sore shoulder never let him grow into the player he was destined to be. This cat had more promise than Butch Huskey when he was coming up, but never put it together.
Small Forward--Reggie Mays (2001-2002)--Coming back after temporarily quitting the team for his junior season (sources say he might have gone to the Mountain School like Abdel Reid, the biggest chach to play for Collegiate behind Stephan Laputka), Mays brings a jaded passion into Clark's draconian system. He is well undersized to play the three, but Clark makes it work by making the 1, 2 and 3 spot virtually interchangeable.
Power Forward--Micah Weiss(2001-2002)--Solid 4 man with a nice touch around the hoop. Arguably the nicest guy in the tournament, at least from a distance (I've never met him).
Center--Who Cares. This team has no chance of winning.
7th Seed--Fieldston--This team is one pure shooter away from the sixth seed, but lack of talent and a general penchant for injury relegates this "alternative" Ivy to its proper position. Armed with a fantastic wing man, a court-savvy point-guard, a renegade power forward and a Center that would make Legend proud, Fieldston definitely won't shy away from its higher seeded opponent, but the slipper just might not fit for the Eagles. Now if it were a pair of Birkenstocks...
Point Guard--Jamie Berland (1999-2000)--This guy didn't look good shooting the ball, nor could he really cross anyone up, but he played within himself and rarely turned the ball over. In that regard he was a solid team leader and an obvious choice for the 1 spot.
Shooting Guard--Kessler (1997-1998)--When I asked my brother what this Fieldstonian's first name was, he said "He just went by Kessler (Like Kramer)." I never knew this guy, but Legend (not Larry, you idiots) has it that he played off guard/small forward and was a great athlete, but in the end, he was a quarterback and not a basketball player. He was a great example of an ivy league athlete, not necessarily, however, an ivy league basketball player.
Small Forward--Charles Miller (1999-2000)--This dude should have listened to my boy Gritz, because he peaked way too early (This may or may not be because he broke his leg the summer before his junior year). When I was a sophomore, Miller was at the top of our class. He had a sick mid range shot, could finish over big men, could take a hit and still finish, and really knew how to run the floor. He could turn a long rebound into an uncontested lay-up in three seconds flat. Scoring most of his points in transition, this undersized 3 man was the consummate slasher.
Power Forward--Zach Kurtin (1998-99)--Kurtin was the star of the Fieldston team, but he never really embraced the team game. He had a ton of talent, but it just seemed like he never could get his team over the top. Maybe he shouldn't be blamed, but he never took Fieldston to the next level. His sister, however, went on to star at Horace Mann.
Center--Andrew Wertz (1998-1999)--Maybe I was too young or too stupid at the time (I recall being a little upset that my coach didn't let me play JV that night even though he had no intention of playing me in the Varsity game), but I don't think I appreciated the show this guy put on at Fieldston Senior Night '99. Plagued by injuries all year, Wertz hobbled onto the court with a broken ankle and made an otherwise vanilla Dalton-Fieldston game into an ESPN instant classic...he made it the best Senior Night the Ivy League has ever been known. Down by six in the fourth, Wertz walked onto the court like Willis Reed in Fieldston's all-too-perfect orange and blue tank to give his team a boost. Sadly, it wasn't enough, and we pulled off our most hotly contested win of my freshman year. However, it was enough to earn him a place in Fieldston's Hall of Fame.
Sixth Man--Jonathan Bernstein (1998-99)--Bernstein was an undersized power forward whose greatest attribute was love of the game. Weaned on the playground courts of Lincoln Towers, the guy had heart, but unfortunately since the main comp at the tower courts is the plus 65 crowd, never finely honed his skills.
Sixth Seed--Trinity--If I had it my way, this team would be the 8th seed of the tournament. Without a doubt, Trinity was my least favorite team in the Ivy League year in and year out. Marked by underacheivers and a hated coach, Trinity had a knack for keeping it close until the third quarter then completely folding. The fiercest part of this team was the beautiful tiger painted over the center circle of the school's underappreciated, freshly remodeled court. Still, the gym itself was not perfect. Its enormous windows pose a catch 22 that must torment architects 'round the world: good lighting, but terrible glares on the backboards. Perhaps practice was never as efficient as it could have been. Trinity looks like they will be facing Dalton in the first round. The lesser Tigers are in trouble, just like they are every homecoming and Warren Hines night. Hopefully, there won't be any racial slurs during this year's contest, or else Larry Byrnes might have to give everyone at Collegiate an unbelievably hypocritical speech, and we wouldn't want that.
Point Guard--Michael Murphy (2000-2001) Like Fieldston's Berland, Murphy is a solid point guard who can handle the ball while the Tigers run their poorly mapped-out plays. However, his penchant for frustration (Are we really running the flex...again?!) might mark Murphy's demise. A better jump-shot would have made Murphy a second-team All-League player, but he still brings a lot to the table.
Shooting Guard-Danny "Guez" Rodriguez (1998-1999)--This kid's been faking injuries the sixth grade. A classic case of a disapointing Trinity baller, Guez peaked his sophomore year. Nevertheless, I do not mean to be too harsh on my Town Timberwolf buddy. Every night Guez comes with a cool confidence, an "f you" attitude and a deadly mid-range shot. His non-chalance is a Trinity staple, but it is the chip on his shoulder that gives the Tigers a chance in the tournament.
Small Forward--David Beller (1998-1999)--Beller played his best ball as a junior. Actually, he peaked on the paved courts of the BLC and has been going downhill ever since he inched out Jake Paulson and Michael Johnson to take home mvp honors in DRIBBL's inaugural season. Still, as one of the best junior high ballers in the city, Beller had a long way to fall and to his credit he was still playing at a high level in '99. A nice inside-outside game with a softer touch than Guez makes him dangerous, but not too dangerous as long as a hand's in his face.
Power Forward--Will Gilespie (2000-2001)--This guy finally realized his potential his senior year. An Ivy League coach's dream come true, Gilespie had heart, could jump higher than Decathalon D Bags Dan or Dave, and could finish like Wayne Simien towards the end of his career as a Jayhawk. Gilespie is the unsung hero of this Tigers team. Can you say 'x' factor!?
Center--Olivier Busque (1998-1999)--First off, how the F do you spell this guy's surname? Second, we are all very proud of Olivier, who is nice enough to put juicing Rebecca Bonelli on hold for the night to play in this Ivy Invitational. I never really saw this guy play, but I heard he could really play offense. I can't imagine him messing up his carefully gelled hair on D though, which might be a problem, given that he will be up against a center, and his true position is the three spot. Even more so than Guez, Olivier is the quintessential Trinity player: Pretty good, but too arrogant for his own good. He might have a few hot moves along the way, but that's not what the Ivy preparatory league is all about. Just ask John Elefteratkis, another kid with a surname that's near impossible to spell.
5th Seed--Hackley--This team is the closest thing to Team Iceland in D2 that the Ivy League has ever known. Without a doubt the worst academic school in the Ivy League, Hackley was a real question mark. I'm not even sure the school had a mascot. Those long bus rides to Tarrytown left player after player wondering, "What's this school even doing in the Ivy League?" But every year, you made the trip to that fortress of a gym. Every year you wondered how they painted the players' names so high on the wall. Every year, you'd leave with several bruises, and every year you never really knew who was going to win before the game started. My senior year I actually got into a verbal sparring match with a fan that almost escalated into blows during half time, but that was then and this is now. Hackley has a dangerous combination of shooting and physical play, and they might just give the league a run for its money, but I wouldn't count on it.
Point Guard--Maurice Smith (1999-2000)--A quick little sparkplug of a player. This guy could drive, shoot pretty well from three and really d you up without fouling too much. Let's put it this way, he was definitely Hackley's "Black" sheep, if you catch my drift. Nice point guard, but when all is said and done, nothing to write home about.
Shooting Guard--Pat McDermott (1999-2000)--Just like Fieldston's Charles Miller, McDermott peaked as a sophomore. This might come as a surprise to some of you Collegiate or Horace Mann fans out there, but McDermott had the purest shot in the league until he bulked up for football and went totally insane. Sophomore McDermott was as deadly as Randolph Childress in ACC tournaments. He was the type of dbag who had the moxie to cross you up, make you fall down, and then politely invite you to get back up before draining a three in your dome. This hot-head could ask for no better audience than the rowdy Collegiate fans.
Small Forward--John Halas (2000-2001)--A little worse than McDermott from behind the arc, but still deadly. Good Handle, pretty weak defender, but with the potential to catch fire literally at any moment. The McDermott-Halas 1,2 punch was pretty f'ing deadly...but were they a little too deadly?! A few missed shots, and these two became rather contentious. These two guys got into more on the court fights than Kobe Bryant and various teammates.
Power Forward--Pabis (2000-2001)--Who the hell knows what this kid's first name was. All he could do was rebound and throw elbows, but he was effective because he was tough. This guy was Hackley Basketball.
Center--Anonymous (1998-2003)--Every year Hackley had a center who was more unethical than the last. Count on this guy fouling in the third, only to be replaced by a doppelganger who picks up five fouls of his own before the game draws to a close.
4th Seed--Horace Mann--If you talked to Ray Barile, he'd tell you he his Lions were the best coached team in the L every year since he began his tenure. But the just like the Lion in the Wizard of Oz, these Lions lacked the courage to win when it counted. Overwhelmed by an overbearing coach, the Lions looked to the sidelines instead of their souls when the game was up in the air. You can only run so many double screens for Peter Sculco, buddies. Horace Mann was never a team until my senior year of high school, when they lost all their supposed "superstars." The Lions were simply a collection of players who were out for themselves. A microcosm for the school, perhaps!?
Point Guard--Roger Ramirez (2002-2003)--A lot of you might be wondering, "what about Brett Maget!? The best point guard the Ivy League's ever seen." Well, sorry buddies, but from what I hear about this guy, he was at best a bootleg version of Elliot Prasse-Freeman. This guy seems to have been as Jason Kidd as it gets, and whatever anyone says, you just can't be a good point guard if you're a ball hog. Enter Roger Ramirez. He'd been doing it since freshman year and he never became selfish. He could handle the ball. He could run an offense. Ramirez was never flashy, but could hit open threes, play sick d(efense), and never turned the ball over. His claim to fame was just the way he played the game...
Shooting Guard--Peter Sculco (1999-2000)--This guy was one of the best villains of the Ivy League. He was a jerk, selfish, threw cheap shots on defense, but he could stroke (even if his form was about as pretty as Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky). I remember box-in-one'ing this piece of shit my sophomore year, and he couldn't stop running his mouth. I thought I d'ed him up, but he still dropped 23. Even writing this now irks me, but the fact of the matter is that he was a great player, whatever you'll say about him. Still, there was something about him that prevented him from attaining a mythical status around the league. Maybe it was that costly turnover against Poly Prep in the decisive moments of the Federation tournament finals. Maybe it was the insecurity that plagues any big shot in high school. Whatever it was, Sculco was no Larry Legend, even though he'd contend he was.
Small Forward--Ricky Ricardo (1998-1999)--I know his first name wasn't Ricky and to be honest his last name may not have been Ricardo; that's just what my coach called him. This guy was the biggest idiot around, but he could ball. He was Sean Elliot meets Tim Thomas meets Enrique Iglesias, whatever the hell that means.
Power Forward--Eli Chess (2000-2001)--This guy should have transferred to Hackley, because he was the most unethical jerk to ever play in the Ivy League. He holds the record for most technical fouls, fouls, flagrant fouls, cheap shots, ejections, for being the sickest d-bag, whatever you can think of. He once flagrant fouled Big Cheddar and Cheddar in the same game! If Sculco was Shreddar, Chess was BeBop and RockSteady combined...and a few of those ninjas. He was evil in its purest form. The Jack Parkman of the Ivy League.
Center--Ray Bulman (1999-2000)--Hey the Village called, it needs its idiot back!? This guy was about as out to lunch as it gets. He didn't have a favorite NBA team; he didn't even have a favorite player. Still, he could block shots, rebound and finish, and he was as tall as that African dude from the Air Up There. Played with heart, but lacked the killer instinct a Center must possess to be great.
3rd Seed--Dalton--Generous? Maybe, but Dalton was the only Ivy League team to win Federation besides Poly over the years. From day 1, Coach Heavy T Frischling gave us all shirts that said: "Hard. Smart. Unselfish." We laughed them off at first, but in due course, we came to understand that those three words are what a basketball team is all about. Dalton was never blessed with exceptional athleticism, but played better defense than most, could shoot the three like Clemson backcourts in the late nineties, and had a chip on their shoulders that screamed: "not only do we belong, but we are better than you." The Tigers boasted a more inspired bunch of Jews than Judah and the Macabees. They also had the best coach by far (arguably excepting Horace Mann's assistant Coach, "Moose").
Point Guard--Teddy Bressman (2001-2002)--This is bizarre because I am this person, but here goes. One of the most dangerous guards the Ivy League has ever seen, Bressman the younger could break presses single handedly just like he could break hearts with deep threes in the fourth. He shot close to 60% from three his senior season and finally broke away from the Khalid El-Amin mold with a few dropped pounds and a mid range jump shot that was more Rip Hamilton than the mother from Rookie of the Year. He was no slouch on defense either. He had about as much heart as Orangeman Lazarus Sims, and could D up anyone in the league. Anyone.
Shooting Guard--Will Bressman (1999-2000)--One of the wisest guards to ever play in the Ivy League, Brother Will rounds out the best back court in the Ivy league behind Poly Prep's. Armed with the best set shot the league has ever seen, and an uncanny ability to drive to the goal, Bressman the elder is about as shifty as it comes. His game is timeless and so is his legacy. A class act on and off the court, Bressman, when finally given the opportunity to excel his senior season, shocked the league. He gave it his all every game. His heart makes him one of the most dangerous players in the tournament. Believe me when I say this: No one can touch the Bressman backcourt. No one.
Small Forward--Mike Faherty (2000-2001)--When this guy transferred from Poly, I'm surprised he didn't change his name to Adam Banks, and I'm surprised we didn't change our team name to the Mighty Ducks. Either way, this guy brought Dalton to the next level. I don't think I ever told him this, but he is the reason Dalton won the State Championship our Junior Season. He practiced harder than anyone I've ever seen and worked himself into a fantastic player. His shot was about as automatic as it comes, and he drew more charges than Shane Battier at his finest (note: his charges were always ethical). Faherty was the consummate 3 man.
Power Forward--Patrick Hederman (2001-2002)--By his senior year, Hederman had developed an unbelievable 3 point shot and could Sicma about as well as the namesake himself. Did not always show emotion on the court, but just like David Banner and his front court counterpart, when he got mad he got angry. Hederman has been dominant since the days of Carmine. Few could match his senior year strength, and if you could, he'd just shoot over you.
Center--Ryan Ewers (2000-2001)--The biggest mystery to ever play at Dalton, Ewers came in touted as the best player the Ivy League would ever see. "He had 60 points in a middle school game?" "He was 6 feet tall at the age of 10?!" Ewers played his best ball as a junior. Armed with a weird looking shot, but a sweet touch, Ewers could either disappear or dominate. He comes into the tournament as the wild card of Dalton's starting five, but has always played well at Collegiate. Could be a non-entity or MVP.
2nd Seed--Collegiate--This team plays hard and smart, but like an active volcano, the magma of jealousy and selfishness bubbles just below the surface. These Dutchmen are the quintessential paper champs. They boast good shooters, strong big men, home court advantage, but without a true point guard, who will assume the role of playmaker? Only one ball, but a lot of shooters. If this team can coalesce, they can beat anyone. But can they coalesce?
Point Guard--Sean Carey (1999-2000)--From the 1 spot, Collegiate's shortcoming are immediaetly evident. Carey has a purer stroke from behind the arc than Hubert Davis, and we all know Hubert Davis could really "stroke it." But he's no point guard. In fact his only weakness, aside from being a horrible defender, is his shakey handle. However, for the Dutchmen to make a run at this fake championship, he must step up and run the offense.
Shooting Guard--Will Scott (2002-2003)--You might know him as the son of the New York Knicks' doctor, or the brother of that cute Horace Mann Lioness, Kelly, but most know him as the best shooter inch for inch in the history of the Ivy Prep League. Though he may not be as pure as Carey--he is rumored to have taken several thousand shots a day during his high school summers--he is automatic from 3 point range and basically automatic off the dribble. Though he is not the quickest guy around, he makes up for it on the defensive end with a very, very impressive "wingspan."
Small Foward--Michael Beal (2001-2002)--Agressive and tough, Beal adds a much needed athleticism to the Dutchmen! He can defend the 1-5 spots and crashes the offensive boards like I crashed a few nights ago after a long night spent awake carousing in Lamont Library. The ultimate 'x' factor, Beal's contribution doesn't always show up in the stat column...or does it?! He's been known to put up 20, 10, 5, and 5 without even blinking an eye, just like that person who has never blinked his entire life. The Kevin Garnett of the Ivy League? Perhaps, but does that mean a championship will elude the grasp of his abnormally large hands? Only time will tell...
Power Forward--Stephan Laputka (2000-2001)--Laputka! Luckilly the tournament is being held at Collegiate, so he can squeeze in meals at La Caridad in between games. Just as long as the refs don't make him take off his hemp necklace during game play, look for this guy to "come up big" (pause) on the defensive end and on the offensive glass.
Center--Ballou (1998-1999)--This dude is timeless. Even though he was most effective during lay-up lines when he would catch an alley-oop to finish off "taps," he looked great in the Collegiate jersey and could intimidate any little Jewish guard driving through the lane. Just like Collegiate, however, Balou looks good on paper, but something is missing.
Sixth Man--Chris Liu (That Night he dropped 37 against Dalton in 1999)--Just in case Carey can't handle the pressure, we're bringing Liu along to run the point and knock down a few shots.
1st Seed--Poly Prep--Poly Prep. Poly f'ing Prep. This team was scary. Coached by the enigmatic vagabond, Talleyrand McNally, Poly played tougher defense, faster offense, talked more shit, fouled more, had worse students, was the only Ivy located in Brooklyn, was inexplicably sponsored by Nike, had old-school 7up billboards in their gym and players that actually went on to play in college. They scheduled tough out of conference games, held summer invitationals, and walked around like they belonged in a better league. They could intimidate most and their tenacious full-court press will certainly menace any offense in Collegiate's small gym, but if you could get past their press, if you played like you belonged, you could beat them. They enter the collegiate tournament a clear favorite, but stranger things have happened...Is there such a thing as too much talent?
Point Guard--John Versoza (1998-1999)--People touted him as the best on the ball defender in the Ivy League, but I played against this guy when I was just a freshman, and let's just put it this way...the jury's out. Versoza was definitely a solid ball-handler, but on defense, he was as good as you let him be. If you hit him back when he fouled, he suddenly didn't seem so intimidating. After all, he was just a 5'8" Chinese dude. He'll look like Ron Artest in the first round, but don't expect him to push Patty McDermott or Roger Ramirez around anytime soon...
Shooting Guard--Ray Corrigan (2000-2001)--RC cola was as Brooklyn as it gets. He was tough as nails, played with a facial expression that made him look more like a bulldog than a human, and had no qualms about draining his ugly looking three point set shot in your face from several feet behind the line. In my opinion, he was Poly's best player over the years.
Small Foward--Danny Green (2001-2002)--The baby of the group, Danny Green played with a smile that could win over any opposing fan. Green always looked good with the ball, but seemed out of place in a slowed down offense. Green was the type of player who would have 24 points by having six in every quarter...if you know what I mean. On the other hand, he could score eight points before you could say "Polytechincal," and for the rest of the game be totally silent. Just in case you were wondering, there is no relation to A.C. or the dude from Clue.
Power Forward--Keith Williams (2000-2001)--The best player to ever walk through the hallowed corridors of Allen Stevenson, Keith, aka Lish, was really the Kevin Garnett of the Ivy League. Tall and Lanky with a great touch, Lish could literally do it all. However, I'll always remember him as the dude crying at center court with his hands on his head after we took them out in the finals of the State Championship his senior year. That's the thing about Poly. When the game was on the line, who would step up and take the last shot?
Center--Andre Logan (1999-2000)--I guess the answer is pretty clear: Logan was the man to step up and hit the shot. This guy set the stage in the state finals his junior season when he single-handedly kept his team in the game against a dominant Woodmere team with fadeaway threes and defensive stops, and followed through with a state championship the following season. People always said he just didn't try against the "lesser" teams of the Ivy League, but you know what? I'm not sure if I buy it. Larry Legend once said, "I can remember when I first came in the league, Artis Gillmore told me one time, he played for Chicago, he said 'if you expect to play a long time in this league, you better quit mopping up the floor,' and I thought well he’s crazy because that’s what basketball’s all about. Well getting a little bit older now, and feeling the bangs and the bumps and the bruises and all that, I can see where’s he coming from, but I can’t change my style of play. I gotta play like that every night." I'm not sure if a true baller can turn it on and off...
What will happen as these young ballers fight it out like they used to?! Stay tuned to find out...
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